It's been about three weeks now that I've been home.
I went to Grand Rapids this last weekend. I was actually only there for like one whole day and the night too. The next day was a Britney concert in Milwaukee...sorry...not even possible for me to miss that. But at least I went to Grand Rapids. I could have saved myself a long car ride and gas money and not have gone but I knew that Rotary wanted me there and I figured the kids who are going to Croatia this fall would appreciate it...which I may have been wrong about the last one.
But anyways that was fun. It was more fun this year than last year. Last year I was anxious and nervous and overwhelmed and unsure. This year I was relaxed, confident, and just didn't give a damn.
I'm more free now. I don't care if the way I am rubs someone the wrong way. I don't care if someone doesn't like who I am. I just act like I want and let everyone else worry about the rest.
Also at Grand Rapids, my rotary asked me to give a mini speech to all the other rebounds and the outbounds about my culture shock when I came back home. Let me tell you, I've never been good at public speaking...I don't like it. And there were like 100 to 200 kids out there listening.
So I had something in my head all ready but of course as soon as I got in front of the mic, I sort of jumbled it up and forgot things and...well...lets just say it was bad.
I think I was chosen because I was one of the only kids to say I had a difficult time adjusting back to life here. Everyone else I talked to said they hadn't really had issues. Everyone said things like this is my life, I know this, this is easy for me. Which I totally agree. Things are easy in a way being back because if I make a mistake or do something wrong, I don't care as much. These are my people, my family, my friends. I'm a little more aware of whats right here because this is where I've grown up.
What I had meant to say about my culture shock is this.
Coming home for me was different than how it was for others. But my personal experience was a little more difficult than I had expected. The best reason I think I can come up with for it being hard is because things weren't the way I had left them. I was gone for a year. Things are going to change back home. I didn't expect everything to be put on hold for me. I'm not that self-centered. But I just didn't think about how everyone would move on and how much someones life could change in just one year. My friends had all had their first year of college already. Now they all are home but I wouldn't know about it because everyone has new friends, fancy jobs, and unfortunately some have the mindset that they might be too mature for their old friends (only a few people though). My family had a new edition added. I have a new niece that I didn't leave with. Everyone has been around her and my other niece who grew so much. I'm unsure of how things are suppose to be with them around but my family sure knows what they are doing. Everyone else seems to know how to act around each other, and I feel sort of self-fish just asking like how I want to, which is all I really know.
Everyone here had moved on. And I was still living in the summer before I left. I wasn't prepared for this new life. It's just like another exchange for me. Coming home. Adjusting to this new life.
It was frustrating in the beginning for me when I came home because the life I left behind was lost. It's in the past. It's not coming back.
And the fact that nothing seemed to be where I had left it when I came home to my room and my bathroom did not help
And I have to move on to. I mean it would be impossible for me to forget Croatia. And I could never dream of ever forgetting the memories I have. But I can't stay in this place in my head. Where I'm always thinking about how that wasn't done in Croatia and how that's different than Croatia. People get annoyed hearing that.
I have to move on. It sounds sad and it's not suppose to sound so negative.
I won't forget Croatia. Never. I can't forget those people. I have so much to be thankful for because of them.
Kind of a side note. James asked me the other night, "Did you see your life differently when you were in a different country?"
It's actually a difficult question for me to answer.
Yes in a way I did. Everything looks different from a distant. You see things you didn't see and you see things you didn't think mattered. But as soon as you come back, it's hard to see it that way again. You just go back to seeing things they way you did before. It's hard to make yourself remember that. It's confusing, I suppose...
Anywho...
But this is me, beginning the next chapter. I can't keep rereading the same sentences and paragraphs on this page. I can't keep reliving that. I need to turn the page. I need to get to the next part. And here I am. Doing just that.
I'm ready to start college. I'm ready to make college friends. Get a college job. Take my college classes. Be in college debt. Do my college paper cramming. Go to those college parties. I'm ready.
This summer may be one of the most boring ones yet to come. But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with taking it easy. It's an extreme contrast between my life last year to my life now. But it's better to have the time I have to adjust than to be crammed with so many things to do and add adjusting to that.
I'm okay. That's what I want everyone to know.
Time will never truly heal the heartbreak I have from Croatia. And I'm fine with the scar it leaves behind.
But I'm fine. I'm okay. And I'm content.
I hope everyone enjoyed my blogs. I've apologized a countless amount of times for the way my writing seems to carry on without much of a point and for my strange ways of spelling things and messing up grammar.
But thank you everyone who has read this. Thanks to everyone who has been apart of my blogs. Thanks to people who were there. And thank you Croatia for giving me a year I could never forget.
Go live your life. Explore the space you haven't filled. It's okay to explore it, love it, but go back to where you were before. That's fine. As long as you're exploring, that's all that matters. Why live life in a self constructed box?
Enjoy live. It's all we have, right? And we only get one try at it.
I love you. I love Croatia. And I love me.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Soooo I'm backk!!
Here I am. In Waunakee, Wisconsin.
This is my blog to go ahead and talk about how freaking hard this has already been.
Today is Wednesday. I got back Sunday. 3 days...and I'm so close to throwing in the towel and just going back.
Adjusting is a bitch. It's extremely weird for me. Everyone asks "how are you, how do you feel?" and all I ever say is weird. It's the best way to describe how I feel.
It's not that I'm not happy and it's not that I'm not sad. Because I'm a little of both. I'm frustrated for sure. Frustrated at how much work I have to put in to just a normal conversation with my friends. Frustrated by some of the stupid things I say that don't make sense to anyone here. Frustrated by the constant reminded that I shouldn't throw out random Croatian words.
I'm mostly frustrated. And it's at myself. Not anyone else. Just me.
When I first got home and we were driving into Waunakee for the first time since I left, the feeling I had was weird. Strange. I need more synonyms for weird.
Looking around, smelling the air, feeling that feeling of comfort. I knew where I was. I knew who lived there. I have friends here. I have family here. I had a life here. I know how to get to places here. I know this place. It's my home, has been for majority of my life growing up. It's familiar to me.
But I thought that as soon as I saw it I would be hit with this waterfall of excitement and comfort and familiarity and I would be happy with it.
I mean I guess I felt the comfort and familiarity to it all. But it didn't hit me hard and there wasn't a lot of excitement to it.
It's just so weird to me, because yes, I know this place like the back of my hand.
But it;s like a dream to me. I'm walking around places I haven't seen in a year, I'm hugging my mom, I'm driving past my high school, I'm talking with my friends. It brings me happiness, no problems with that.
But it's like I never left. Like this has been my life for a while now.
I'm living here as if I never left. But then I start to think about how I got here and what I was doing before and where I was last month. And it all seemed to have slipped my mind. It doesn't fit the pieces of my life here. It doesn't work with Emma in Waunakee.
That's when it starts to feel like a dream. Being home.
To add to that, I just feel funny. Last week I was excited to see my family, friends, cats, room, town...everything. But now that I finally have it...I feel...WEIRD. I don't think I regret coming home. I don't, I love my family, so no worries. I just...don't feel normal here. I feel out of place. I'm not the same as I was before I left and I'm constantly pushing myself to become the old Emma so I can fit in.
I don't expect people to change for me. That I will never ask. But I don't want to lose everything I've gained this past year.
I don't want to change, but I more than anything don't want to be that annoying exchange student who talks to much about my year abroad, brags about my own life, thinks everyone else is jealous when they get sick of hearing it, and basically puts myself above everyone else. That cannot be me. Ever.
Everything is so extremely hard. Everything! I was not prepared for that. I always knew things would feel weird when I got back, and they sure do. But I was not prepared for it to be so difficult for me.
Everyone sort of expects me to be a certain way or something. And when I don't deliver, I get funny faces or rude responses. I'm doing everything I possibly can, and it's not good enough. I feel so out of body. I feel out of every zone of comfort I've ever had. I don't know who I am. I'm confused. I'm lost. And the worst part is that there is nothing anyone can do. I just have to learn from mistakes. It's all I can do. Or just sit in my room until college. But I'd rather have a life.
So here I am, confused, frustrated, feeling confused, and missing Croatia like crazy.
I'll update everyone again, one last time on here, about how I've adjusted.
Stay cool.
And...not weird.
laters
Here I am. In Waunakee, Wisconsin.
This is my blog to go ahead and talk about how freaking hard this has already been.
Today is Wednesday. I got back Sunday. 3 days...and I'm so close to throwing in the towel and just going back.
Adjusting is a bitch. It's extremely weird for me. Everyone asks "how are you, how do you feel?" and all I ever say is weird. It's the best way to describe how I feel.
It's not that I'm not happy and it's not that I'm not sad. Because I'm a little of both. I'm frustrated for sure. Frustrated at how much work I have to put in to just a normal conversation with my friends. Frustrated by some of the stupid things I say that don't make sense to anyone here. Frustrated by the constant reminded that I shouldn't throw out random Croatian words.
I'm mostly frustrated. And it's at myself. Not anyone else. Just me.
When I first got home and we were driving into Waunakee for the first time since I left, the feeling I had was weird. Strange. I need more synonyms for weird.
Looking around, smelling the air, feeling that feeling of comfort. I knew where I was. I knew who lived there. I have friends here. I have family here. I had a life here. I know how to get to places here. I know this place. It's my home, has been for majority of my life growing up. It's familiar to me.
But I thought that as soon as I saw it I would be hit with this waterfall of excitement and comfort and familiarity and I would be happy with it.
I mean I guess I felt the comfort and familiarity to it all. But it didn't hit me hard and there wasn't a lot of excitement to it.
It's just so weird to me, because yes, I know this place like the back of my hand.
But it;s like a dream to me. I'm walking around places I haven't seen in a year, I'm hugging my mom, I'm driving past my high school, I'm talking with my friends. It brings me happiness, no problems with that.
But it's like I never left. Like this has been my life for a while now.
I'm living here as if I never left. But then I start to think about how I got here and what I was doing before and where I was last month. And it all seemed to have slipped my mind. It doesn't fit the pieces of my life here. It doesn't work with Emma in Waunakee.
That's when it starts to feel like a dream. Being home.
To add to that, I just feel funny. Last week I was excited to see my family, friends, cats, room, town...everything. But now that I finally have it...I feel...WEIRD. I don't think I regret coming home. I don't, I love my family, so no worries. I just...don't feel normal here. I feel out of place. I'm not the same as I was before I left and I'm constantly pushing myself to become the old Emma so I can fit in.
I don't expect people to change for me. That I will never ask. But I don't want to lose everything I've gained this past year.
I don't want to change, but I more than anything don't want to be that annoying exchange student who talks to much about my year abroad, brags about my own life, thinks everyone else is jealous when they get sick of hearing it, and basically puts myself above everyone else. That cannot be me. Ever.
Everything is so extremely hard. Everything! I was not prepared for that. I always knew things would feel weird when I got back, and they sure do. But I was not prepared for it to be so difficult for me.
Everyone sort of expects me to be a certain way or something. And when I don't deliver, I get funny faces or rude responses. I'm doing everything I possibly can, and it's not good enough. I feel so out of body. I feel out of every zone of comfort I've ever had. I don't know who I am. I'm confused. I'm lost. And the worst part is that there is nothing anyone can do. I just have to learn from mistakes. It's all I can do. Or just sit in my room until college. But I'd rather have a life.
So here I am, confused, frustrated, feeling confused, and missing Croatia like crazy.
I'll update everyone again, one last time on here, about how I've adjusted.
Stay cool.
And...not weird.
laters
Saturday, June 18, 2011
So I leave Croatia in 17 hours.
Real soon. I'll be home in about 31 hours with my family.
How I feel right now is not clear.
I have no idea.
Well...okay honesty.
I'm kind of anxious. I don't know if it's that I'm excited. But I'm not completely happy. I'm sad to be saying goodbye, but at this point I've said it so many times already that it's already gone through my system and it doesn't hurt as much as it did.
I'm sick of sitting around waiting to go home. That's the worst feeling ever. After watching two of my friends already go home this past week, being in Croatia without them feels funny. It's not like my life revolved around them, but for some reason it still doesn't feel right. And Croatia doesn't have the same meaning to me that it used to when I was with all of my friends. So it's not exactly as comfortable as it used to be, I guess. Which kills me to say. It's strange to think that I can't be in Croatia totally alone and feel at home. But like the cheesy saying says "home is where the heart is" and my heart is with all of my friends, not completely just for this country (not saying I don't love this country though)
So coming home feels right. It's like the scary part in a movie. When you hear the music, you foresee that something is going to pop out. You know it's going to happen, which makes you feel even more stupid when it still makes you jump. You just sit there and have to watch it unfold even though you know what is going to happen, and you can't just jump past it. You have to sit there and watch the whole thing.
That's how I feel.
I knew this was coming, I see it coming, it's going to happen, I'm going home tomorrow. I just hate sitting around watching my days disappear, watching friends get on their airplanes and fly back to their families, packing and then unpacking and then repacking and then weighing and then unpacking some more (one of the most frustrating things ever!)
side note
I HATE PACKING!
FUCK THAT!
It has pissed me off so much this past week, I'm sorry for the rude langauge. But seriously. I mean I know I've shopped this year, but I didn't freaking bye a whole mall. Why is it that I have to give away more than half my clothes?!? Not fair. I've even given up shoes and a purse! FORRIZZLES! Why don't you just rip my heart out while your at it, airport regulations!
My Rotary club gave me some money though as a going away present 3 days before I leave, I'm not exactly sure what they'd want me to spend it on anyways. And I plan on using that to help pay for my overweight fees I'll be getting at the airport.
Anyways, I don't really feel like discussing my feelings. But I know I might want to know how I was feeling later on in life, and it can't hurt just having it somewhere in writing. Also I bet everyone back home is curious as to how I'm feeling right now.
I'm not depressed, not anymore.
I'm not super excited.
I'm not happy.
I'm not sad.
I'm confused, anxious, nervous, unsure, and any other emotion that can vaguely describe my feelings.
Alright I'm going to kava (coffee) with my friends one last time before I go.
Meow.
Bok bok. Vidimo se uskoro (nadam se)
Real soon. I'll be home in about 31 hours with my family.
How I feel right now is not clear.
I have no idea.
Well...okay honesty.
I'm kind of anxious. I don't know if it's that I'm excited. But I'm not completely happy. I'm sad to be saying goodbye, but at this point I've said it so many times already that it's already gone through my system and it doesn't hurt as much as it did.
I'm sick of sitting around waiting to go home. That's the worst feeling ever. After watching two of my friends already go home this past week, being in Croatia without them feels funny. It's not like my life revolved around them, but for some reason it still doesn't feel right. And Croatia doesn't have the same meaning to me that it used to when I was with all of my friends. So it's not exactly as comfortable as it used to be, I guess. Which kills me to say. It's strange to think that I can't be in Croatia totally alone and feel at home. But like the cheesy saying says "home is where the heart is" and my heart is with all of my friends, not completely just for this country (not saying I don't love this country though)
So coming home feels right. It's like the scary part in a movie. When you hear the music, you foresee that something is going to pop out. You know it's going to happen, which makes you feel even more stupid when it still makes you jump. You just sit there and have to watch it unfold even though you know what is going to happen, and you can't just jump past it. You have to sit there and watch the whole thing.
That's how I feel.
I knew this was coming, I see it coming, it's going to happen, I'm going home tomorrow. I just hate sitting around watching my days disappear, watching friends get on their airplanes and fly back to their families, packing and then unpacking and then repacking and then weighing and then unpacking some more (one of the most frustrating things ever!)
side note
I HATE PACKING!
FUCK THAT!
It has pissed me off so much this past week, I'm sorry for the rude langauge. But seriously. I mean I know I've shopped this year, but I didn't freaking bye a whole mall. Why is it that I have to give away more than half my clothes?!? Not fair. I've even given up shoes and a purse! FORRIZZLES! Why don't you just rip my heart out while your at it, airport regulations!
My Rotary club gave me some money though as a going away present 3 days before I leave, I'm not exactly sure what they'd want me to spend it on anyways. And I plan on using that to help pay for my overweight fees I'll be getting at the airport.
Anyways, I don't really feel like discussing my feelings. But I know I might want to know how I was feeling later on in life, and it can't hurt just having it somewhere in writing. Also I bet everyone back home is curious as to how I'm feeling right now.
I'm not depressed, not anymore.
I'm not super excited.
I'm not happy.
I'm not sad.
I'm confused, anxious, nervous, unsure, and any other emotion that can vaguely describe my feelings.
Alright I'm going to kava (coffee) with my friends one last time before I go.
Meow.
Bok bok. Vidimo se uskoro (nadam se)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Alrighty so I know I just blogged a few days ago, but since I'm running out of days of "Emma meeting Croatia", I figured I can do what I want.
Anyways, Dani left yesterday morning.
I broke down and bawled me eyes out.
Before she left she gave us a short little speech about how much she loves us and how this year wouldn't be what it was without us and how she learned from us and a lot more things that just make me want to cry.
But she said this one thing that stuck inside my head.
(by the way, Dani is probably the best person at blogging and giving speeches and well talking overall. She's very tactful, SAT vocab word! and I find her blogs to be the most inspiring and beautiful and honest and yadayadayada.)
Anyways, she said "this is goodbye to this year, not goodbye to you guys"
I mean hello, you can't become this close to other people and share this much with them to never see them again.
So she's right.
We're saying goodbye to the coffee dates, the beautiful coastline, the stern strangers, the convenient public transportation, the bitch language, the chain smokers, the endless parties at the nightclubs.
We're saying bye to Croatia. Bye to our exchange.
It has to end, otherwise our time here wouldn't feel so precious and valuable. We have to say goodbye so we realize how important everything is to us. It sucks, but I understand.
I also said bye to my first host family. We went out to dinner and I met their daughter, Paula, who was in Indiana and just came home. She's just as crazy and funny as her family. I'm happy I got to meet her. Being with my first host family made me realize how much I have missed them. And how much I will. They were always nice and caring and gave me independence and always trying to feed me. I'll miss Veronika and her stupid comebacks when I make fun of her. I'll miss her terrible ghetto talk and sad southern accent. I'll miss us playing cards and quoting movies and eating desserts in Zadar with her grandparents. I'll miss Zana's help making fun of Veronika. I'll miss talking to them about the history of Croatia (one of my favorite topics because I'm a nerd). I'll miss them trying to force feed me. I'll miss the Pedic family. They were the best first host family I could ever ask for.
I'm ready to come home and see my family though.
I've been without Danielle Worthman for one day, and I've realized already how pointless it is for me here now without all of us here together. It just feels weird to know I'm leaving soon, Laura leaves soon, Dani is already gone...with me knowing that things are ending and in a way already have ended, I want to be home. I want to start the next chapter of my life. I'm reads to get this party started!
Start my summer job, figure out which college I'm going to...
OMG! Spectacularastic news! I found out that one of the kids who got the scholarship from DePaul dropped out and I was one of the alternates, soooo I GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP!!!
YIPPEEEE SKIPPER DOOBIES!
Now we are revising my financial aid, and figuring out if that'll still be enough for me to go. If not...milwauakee...
Anyways though. I'm ready to meet my new niece, hug my already crazy niece, give my little sister shit again, be embarrassed of my brother, and laugh at my older sister.
Not to mention roll my eyes at my mom's "jokes" and run away from my dad's "dancing"
and there's VEGGIE MEALS!
I don't get a lot of soy burgers here in Croatia, just potatoes and mushrooms and rice and noodles and other vegetables. Don't get me wrong, I love the food. But soy meals are what is home to me.
Back to my family
Quick story
I was skyping with them [for the last time] and usually I skype with my little sister, Leah, last and that's when everyone leaves the room to go do what they gotta do. And Leah sits down and we start talking and then my dad and my older sister, Sara, start making noises in the background. And Leah turns around and says "Why are you still here" And Sara responds "It's what we do, we linger"
My family in a nutshell.
Crazy, loud, annoying, and lingering.
It made me laugh.
Anyways I'll wrap this baby up. I'll be home in 3 days.
I hate packing. My room is a mess and I can't get everything to fit in the suitcases :(
booo
ok laterss
see ya on the flip side!
Anyways, Dani left yesterday morning.
I broke down and bawled me eyes out.
Before she left she gave us a short little speech about how much she loves us and how this year wouldn't be what it was without us and how she learned from us and a lot more things that just make me want to cry.
But she said this one thing that stuck inside my head.
(by the way, Dani is probably the best person at blogging and giving speeches and well talking overall. She's very tactful, SAT vocab word! and I find her blogs to be the most inspiring and beautiful and honest and yadayadayada.)
Anyways, she said "this is goodbye to this year, not goodbye to you guys"
I mean hello, you can't become this close to other people and share this much with them to never see them again.
So she's right.
We're saying goodbye to the coffee dates, the beautiful coastline, the stern strangers, the convenient public transportation, the bitch language, the chain smokers, the endless parties at the nightclubs.
We're saying bye to Croatia. Bye to our exchange.
It has to end, otherwise our time here wouldn't feel so precious and valuable. We have to say goodbye so we realize how important everything is to us. It sucks, but I understand.
I also said bye to my first host family. We went out to dinner and I met their daughter, Paula, who was in Indiana and just came home. She's just as crazy and funny as her family. I'm happy I got to meet her. Being with my first host family made me realize how much I have missed them. And how much I will. They were always nice and caring and gave me independence and always trying to feed me. I'll miss Veronika and her stupid comebacks when I make fun of her. I'll miss her terrible ghetto talk and sad southern accent. I'll miss us playing cards and quoting movies and eating desserts in Zadar with her grandparents. I'll miss Zana's help making fun of Veronika. I'll miss talking to them about the history of Croatia (one of my favorite topics because I'm a nerd). I'll miss them trying to force feed me. I'll miss the Pedic family. They were the best first host family I could ever ask for.
I'm ready to come home and see my family though.
I've been without Danielle Worthman for one day, and I've realized already how pointless it is for me here now without all of us here together. It just feels weird to know I'm leaving soon, Laura leaves soon, Dani is already gone...with me knowing that things are ending and in a way already have ended, I want to be home. I want to start the next chapter of my life. I'm reads to get this party started!
Start my summer job, figure out which college I'm going to...
OMG! Spectacularastic news! I found out that one of the kids who got the scholarship from DePaul dropped out and I was one of the alternates, soooo I GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP!!!
YIPPEEEE SKIPPER DOOBIES!
Now we are revising my financial aid, and figuring out if that'll still be enough for me to go. If not...milwauakee...
Anyways though. I'm ready to meet my new niece, hug my already crazy niece, give my little sister shit again, be embarrassed of my brother, and laugh at my older sister.
Not to mention roll my eyes at my mom's "jokes" and run away from my dad's "dancing"
and there's VEGGIE MEALS!
I don't get a lot of soy burgers here in Croatia, just potatoes and mushrooms and rice and noodles and other vegetables. Don't get me wrong, I love the food. But soy meals are what is home to me.
Back to my family
Quick story
I was skyping with them [for the last time] and usually I skype with my little sister, Leah, last and that's when everyone leaves the room to go do what they gotta do. And Leah sits down and we start talking and then my dad and my older sister, Sara, start making noises in the background. And Leah turns around and says "Why are you still here" And Sara responds "It's what we do, we linger"
My family in a nutshell.
Crazy, loud, annoying, and lingering.
It made me laugh.
Anyways I'll wrap this baby up. I'll be home in 3 days.
I hate packing. My room is a mess and I can't get everything to fit in the suitcases :(
booo
ok laterss
see ya on the flip side!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Alrighty then
So i just got back from Euro tour like a few days ago.
FUCKING AMAZINGGG!
As anyone would guess, i'm sure.
I traveled all around Europe, no big deal. Saw lots of things i had never dreamed of ever seeing and now i can say oh I've been there or yea i saw that or yea it's not that big or pretty or something cool like that. i'm not as naive as some people may think anymore...well i'm not saying i'm not spacey anymore because that unfortunately is a life-term illness of mine, but still, it's an improvement.
Here's a little bit of an inside look on what i thought about some of the places i went to.
Prague
Beautiful. Extremely beautiful. It's baffling and i could stare at it for hours and be entertained.
We only got to spend like 3 hours touring the city then had to head back to the hotel for the night and had to leave early in the morning. But if i had had more time in Prague it might have been honestly one of my favorite places.
Amsterdam
Let me just say one thing first. Boys in the Netherlands= Gods on Earth.
I have never seen anything more beautiful or heavenly. They are all gorgeous! ALL! which is hard to believe i understand. But for reals. They are yummy scrumscious and delicious.
Amsterdam was beautiful too. I believe it has the highest amount of bicyclists in the world. Bikes. Everywhere. Everyone was on a bike and bikes littered the streets and sidewalks and everything.
We took a gander around the Red Light Zone (which apparently Melissa Hansen knew all about)
I sent in my resume to a few places.
Joking.
I did not buy any illegal substances, so everyone chillax. I did happen to find a beautiful shirt with britney's face on it though and got that baby.
Dresden
Adorable and quaint. Not much else to say (we only spent lunch there).
Brugges
Delicious chocolate! Best chocolate ever. And i'm not exactly a big chocolate fan. But whoa! And i had me some good ol' Belgium waffles. YUMMMSS! Seriously best way to gain weight, travel. I got my family some chocolate so they better love me forevers. The town was pretty too. Tiny and cute buildings.
Paris
WHOOOOA!
One of my most favoritests (new word) places ever! The other kids thought it was kind of over-done in movies and stuff. But it's one of the place i've always wanted to go and it was just as perfect as i had imagined! absolutely breath taking. I would love to live there, just without all the tourists. That has got to get annoying. Only like 5% of the people i think i ever saw were not actually from the area. But i sat by Le Louvre and chilled by putting my feet in the fountain and enjoyed my life. I sat by the Eiffel tower drinking French wine (omgomg give me a break, you gotta live a little some times, i mean hello it was FRENCH WINE, i will not pass up the only opportunity anytime soon to drink French wine in France by the Eiffel tower on a beautiful day). I walked down Champs Elysees. spoke some French. bought far too many souvenirs and spent far too much money. Paris is beautiful, no doubt, but it's also expensive, so that's another reason why i probably can't live there.
Barcelona
Hmm....i guess my thought of Barcelona isn't normal. Barcelona, first off, is crawling with pick pocketers. they are everywhere. I caught someone unzipping my bag (he ran away before i could bitch slap him). The souvenir shop workers are ass holes and change the prices (unreasonably as you can imagine). The weather wasn't that great either, which have may had a big effect on how i see Barcelona. I thought it was sketchy, and it was annoying how paranoid I became. The sights were pretty, but like I said, the weather wasn't that great so I don't think things looked as pretty as they should have. I went into Barcelona not knowing much and not being too excited and hoping to be amazed...but I wasn't...unfortunately.
But the other exchangers said it was artsy and beautiful and the people were awesome and chill.
I don't remember much about seeing artsy people and I felt like the people that were trying to get me to go bar crawling with them were sleazy. Maybe I'm a little too negative...who knows.
Italy
FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!
I LOOOVE italy!
I love Paris
But I LOOOOVE italy!
The entire country is beautiful! If I could choose one country to live in, it would without a doubt be Italy.
I remember once my mother told me a story about how she went travelling around Europe by train. She told me that she got to Italy and right after she got off the train there were about eight different Italians who were calling at her and whistling so she said she got back on the train and left.
If I had been her I would have gotten me some numbers and had me some plans lined up for the next few months.
I love them Italian boys.
I ain't say I'm some kind of slut or anything. But it's always reassuring to hear from the Italians about how good you look. For reals. If you have any self confidence issues, just walk on over to Italy. Guaranteed you will feel like Gisele Bundchen when you leave. Forrizzles.
But Italian boys aside, the buildings were like nothing I've ever seen. The beaches were like none I have ever swam in. The pizza is like none I've ever eaten. The coffee was like none I have ever drank. And of course seen boys like I've never seen before.
Not to mention how emotional Italian people can be. When they are mad, they are MAD. When they are happy, they are HAPPY. Very expressive. I LOOVE IT!
I want to learn Italian and go to Italy.
Monaco
Tiny, beautiful. It looked a lot like A coastal town in Croatia but richer and more touristic. It wasn't as historical as Croatian coastal towns seem. It seemed like a really redone version basically. Me and Laura and Lizzy and Dorothy spent 8 euro on a little 30 minute train tour. We looked really cool with our headphones on, each having our own row in the train (which normally seats 4 people) sliding from side to side to take pictures of everything and waving at fellow exchangers walking around. We defined cool.
Andorra
Cheap electronics! I didn't buy any because I don't need any and have no room. But they were cheap. And good perfume. I got some good stuff. But I mean it was super dooper tiny. Tinier than Waunakee. The landscape was pretty. But we only spent like 2 hours there, so I don't really know what to really say about it.
There's my little summary
Now to reality in Zagreb. My home. I leave on Sunday, the 19th. It's extremely depressing. Like seriously. It honest to God gives me a serious kick in the stomach every time I think about it. How can I possibly dream about leaving this place? How could I imagine living without these people? How will I feel this at home again?
I mean the answer is simple. I know. But I still ask, even if I know the answer.
Dani leaves tomorrow.
9 in the morning
I will be there. With my heart ready to break as she flies away.
Will I see her again, will I ever have a friend like her, will life still be just as enjoyable without any of my Croatian family?
Forrizzles, I'm being serious about all of this. It sounds sappy and pathetic. But I'm on the edge of breaking down. And it will take a hell lot of work to be okay with not being in Croatia.
I'm a mess.
I said bye to Emily and Lizzy when they took their train to Varazdin from Zagreb after Euro-tour. I know I'll see Lizzy again at Grand Rapids. And Emily comes to Wisconsin a lot with her family because she used to live there. But having to say good bye is never as easy as it seems, no matter how many excuses there are to not cry. So I was bawling. Like a pathetic little girl watching The Notebook.
Life is getting hard. This is the hardest part. This is where I grow weak. This is where I break down. This is where everything falls apart and there's no way to fix it.
Here we go.
Okay I'm going now. I have to go party with Dani on her last night. Won't be home early, that's all I'm saying. My last night with one of the bestest friends I've ever had. The world could not be anymore cruel.
Laters everyone!
Also, side note.
I've noticed that I make lots of spelling, grammar, and just stupid mistakes in my blogs. So I applaud you if you understand the gibberish I write that I pretend is English. Good job
So i just got back from Euro tour like a few days ago.
FUCKING AMAZINGGG!
As anyone would guess, i'm sure.
I traveled all around Europe, no big deal. Saw lots of things i had never dreamed of ever seeing and now i can say oh I've been there or yea i saw that or yea it's not that big or pretty or something cool like that. i'm not as naive as some people may think anymore...well i'm not saying i'm not spacey anymore because that unfortunately is a life-term illness of mine, but still, it's an improvement.
Here's a little bit of an inside look on what i thought about some of the places i went to.
Prague
Beautiful. Extremely beautiful. It's baffling and i could stare at it for hours and be entertained.
We only got to spend like 3 hours touring the city then had to head back to the hotel for the night and had to leave early in the morning. But if i had had more time in Prague it might have been honestly one of my favorite places.
Amsterdam
Let me just say one thing first. Boys in the Netherlands= Gods on Earth.
I have never seen anything more beautiful or heavenly. They are all gorgeous! ALL! which is hard to believe i understand. But for reals. They are yummy scrumscious and delicious.
Amsterdam was beautiful too. I believe it has the highest amount of bicyclists in the world. Bikes. Everywhere. Everyone was on a bike and bikes littered the streets and sidewalks and everything.
We took a gander around the Red Light Zone (which apparently Melissa Hansen knew all about)
I sent in my resume to a few places.
Joking.
I did not buy any illegal substances, so everyone chillax. I did happen to find a beautiful shirt with britney's face on it though and got that baby.
Dresden
Adorable and quaint. Not much else to say (we only spent lunch there).
Brugges
Delicious chocolate! Best chocolate ever. And i'm not exactly a big chocolate fan. But whoa! And i had me some good ol' Belgium waffles. YUMMMSS! Seriously best way to gain weight, travel. I got my family some chocolate so they better love me forevers. The town was pretty too. Tiny and cute buildings.
Paris
WHOOOOA!
One of my most favoritests (new word) places ever! The other kids thought it was kind of over-done in movies and stuff. But it's one of the place i've always wanted to go and it was just as perfect as i had imagined! absolutely breath taking. I would love to live there, just without all the tourists. That has got to get annoying. Only like 5% of the people i think i ever saw were not actually from the area. But i sat by Le Louvre and chilled by putting my feet in the fountain and enjoyed my life. I sat by the Eiffel tower drinking French wine (omgomg give me a break, you gotta live a little some times, i mean hello it was FRENCH WINE, i will not pass up the only opportunity anytime soon to drink French wine in France by the Eiffel tower on a beautiful day). I walked down Champs Elysees. spoke some French. bought far too many souvenirs and spent far too much money. Paris is beautiful, no doubt, but it's also expensive, so that's another reason why i probably can't live there.
Barcelona
Hmm....i guess my thought of Barcelona isn't normal. Barcelona, first off, is crawling with pick pocketers. they are everywhere. I caught someone unzipping my bag (he ran away before i could bitch slap him). The souvenir shop workers are ass holes and change the prices (unreasonably as you can imagine). The weather wasn't that great either, which have may had a big effect on how i see Barcelona. I thought it was sketchy, and it was annoying how paranoid I became. The sights were pretty, but like I said, the weather wasn't that great so I don't think things looked as pretty as they should have. I went into Barcelona not knowing much and not being too excited and hoping to be amazed...but I wasn't...unfortunately.
But the other exchangers said it was artsy and beautiful and the people were awesome and chill.
I don't remember much about seeing artsy people and I felt like the people that were trying to get me to go bar crawling with them were sleazy. Maybe I'm a little too negative...who knows.
Italy
FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!
I LOOOVE italy!
I love Paris
But I LOOOOVE italy!
The entire country is beautiful! If I could choose one country to live in, it would without a doubt be Italy.
I remember once my mother told me a story about how she went travelling around Europe by train. She told me that she got to Italy and right after she got off the train there were about eight different Italians who were calling at her and whistling so she said she got back on the train and left.
If I had been her I would have gotten me some numbers and had me some plans lined up for the next few months.
I love them Italian boys.
I ain't say I'm some kind of slut or anything. But it's always reassuring to hear from the Italians about how good you look. For reals. If you have any self confidence issues, just walk on over to Italy. Guaranteed you will feel like Gisele Bundchen when you leave. Forrizzles.
But Italian boys aside, the buildings were like nothing I've ever seen. The beaches were like none I have ever swam in. The pizza is like none I've ever eaten. The coffee was like none I have ever drank. And of course seen boys like I've never seen before.
Not to mention how emotional Italian people can be. When they are mad, they are MAD. When they are happy, they are HAPPY. Very expressive. I LOOVE IT!
I want to learn Italian and go to Italy.
Monaco
Tiny, beautiful. It looked a lot like A coastal town in Croatia but richer and more touristic. It wasn't as historical as Croatian coastal towns seem. It seemed like a really redone version basically. Me and Laura and Lizzy and Dorothy spent 8 euro on a little 30 minute train tour. We looked really cool with our headphones on, each having our own row in the train (which normally seats 4 people) sliding from side to side to take pictures of everything and waving at fellow exchangers walking around. We defined cool.
Andorra
Cheap electronics! I didn't buy any because I don't need any and have no room. But they were cheap. And good perfume. I got some good stuff. But I mean it was super dooper tiny. Tinier than Waunakee. The landscape was pretty. But we only spent like 2 hours there, so I don't really know what to really say about it.
There's my little summary
Now to reality in Zagreb. My home. I leave on Sunday, the 19th. It's extremely depressing. Like seriously. It honest to God gives me a serious kick in the stomach every time I think about it. How can I possibly dream about leaving this place? How could I imagine living without these people? How will I feel this at home again?
I mean the answer is simple. I know. But I still ask, even if I know the answer.
Dani leaves tomorrow.
9 in the morning
I will be there. With my heart ready to break as she flies away.
Will I see her again, will I ever have a friend like her, will life still be just as enjoyable without any of my Croatian family?
Forrizzles, I'm being serious about all of this. It sounds sappy and pathetic. But I'm on the edge of breaking down. And it will take a hell lot of work to be okay with not being in Croatia.
I'm a mess.
I said bye to Emily and Lizzy when they took their train to Varazdin from Zagreb after Euro-tour. I know I'll see Lizzy again at Grand Rapids. And Emily comes to Wisconsin a lot with her family because she used to live there. But having to say good bye is never as easy as it seems, no matter how many excuses there are to not cry. So I was bawling. Like a pathetic little girl watching The Notebook.
Life is getting hard. This is the hardest part. This is where I grow weak. This is where I break down. This is where everything falls apart and there's no way to fix it.
Here we go.
Okay I'm going now. I have to go party with Dani on her last night. Won't be home early, that's all I'm saying. My last night with one of the bestest friends I've ever had. The world could not be anymore cruel.
Laters everyone!
Also, side note.
I've noticed that I make lots of spelling, grammar, and just stupid mistakes in my blogs. So I applaud you if you understand the gibberish I write that I pretend is English. Good job
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
So the last blog was a little depressing. I was running on two hours of sleep and I had just gotten back from a farewell party, so everything was kind of in a gloomy mood basically.
But I won't lie, it's not like that was the only time I felt like that.
With this year winding down, my time has become more precious. Months turned into weeks, turned into days, turned into hours, minutes, and soon enough everything will count by the second.
I leave for Euro-tour tonight.
I'm super pumped, for obvious reasons. And all of the Zagreb kids will be together for the last three weeks we have together. We already discussed that there will be tears on the trip, but hopefully we can hold it together until the end.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
These people here are my family. They are my life. No one can possibly understand what I go through like they do. I tell them everything and anything. I can't say I've been as close to a lot of my friends back home as I am close to these guys. It is seriously heartbreaking to know I can't live my life in Wisconsin with them.
Facebook and skype save our asses, that's for sure, but just like a long distanced relationship, there's only so much you can do and say over skype. There comes a point when you just feel alone, without them.
Also I know reverse culture shock is going to kick my ass when I get home. If I thought the initial culture shock was hard, I have a whole lot of work in store for me when I get home. It's going to be hardddd!
But I won't get too sappy and down in this blog because I need to be excited!
I'm starting a trip around Europe tonight!!!
We get on a 9:15 train to Salzburg. We get to Salzburg at 4 a.m. where we switch trains to Linz and get tehre around 8 I believe and then have to hangout until the Austrian exchangers get there around 10 and then first stop Prague.
I'm overwhelmed with a lot of different emotions it's hard to say how I feel like right now.
Most people ask if I'm excited and I say not really.
Then they ask if I'm sad, and I say not yet really.
I don't know how I feel. I'm really good at analyzing everything and everything else.
But when it comes to analyzing oneself... it's a whole different story. You'd think it'd be easier...but I'm not sure of myself for the most part...so I can't say I'm sure about how I feel.
HONESTY!!
Dani would be so proud of me.
Honesty is taking over my life and I've realized sometimes honesty is not soo good.
My mother told me that I shouldn't feel ashamed of my actions and shouldn't feel people are judging me, especially if I don't tell them what I did.
I guess she means I shouldn't share every story I've had this year because there's the possibility someone will judge me because they don't fully understand the life of an exchange student.
So once again, my tongue is out to ruin my life.
I seriously need to keep my thoughts to myself...being outspoken and opinionated is a real curse because it only makes people pissed at you.
So yes...offsubject Emma...again...
Main point to this blog
I LEAVE TONIGHT TO TRAVEL AROUND EUROPE!
Our destinations are Prague, Hannover, Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Bruges, Paris (for three days!), Toulouse, Barcelona (for three days!), Avignon, Monaco, Lavagna, Lucca, Piza, Florence, Jesolo, Venice and then Innisbrook. In a matter of 17 days!
Then I come back to Zagreb for a week then back my bags and come home :(
I'll put up pictures of europe when I get back!
AHH!!!
But I won't lie, it's not like that was the only time I felt like that.
With this year winding down, my time has become more precious. Months turned into weeks, turned into days, turned into hours, minutes, and soon enough everything will count by the second.
I leave for Euro-tour tonight.
I'm super pumped, for obvious reasons. And all of the Zagreb kids will be together for the last three weeks we have together. We already discussed that there will be tears on the trip, but hopefully we can hold it together until the end.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
These people here are my family. They are my life. No one can possibly understand what I go through like they do. I tell them everything and anything. I can't say I've been as close to a lot of my friends back home as I am close to these guys. It is seriously heartbreaking to know I can't live my life in Wisconsin with them.
Facebook and skype save our asses, that's for sure, but just like a long distanced relationship, there's only so much you can do and say over skype. There comes a point when you just feel alone, without them.
Also I know reverse culture shock is going to kick my ass when I get home. If I thought the initial culture shock was hard, I have a whole lot of work in store for me when I get home. It's going to be hardddd!
But I won't get too sappy and down in this blog because I need to be excited!
I'm starting a trip around Europe tonight!!!
We get on a 9:15 train to Salzburg. We get to Salzburg at 4 a.m. where we switch trains to Linz and get tehre around 8 I believe and then have to hangout until the Austrian exchangers get there around 10 and then first stop Prague.
I'm overwhelmed with a lot of different emotions it's hard to say how I feel like right now.
Most people ask if I'm excited and I say not really.
Then they ask if I'm sad, and I say not yet really.
I don't know how I feel. I'm really good at analyzing everything and everything else.
But when it comes to analyzing oneself... it's a whole different story. You'd think it'd be easier...but I'm not sure of myself for the most part...so I can't say I'm sure about how I feel.
HONESTY!!
Dani would be so proud of me.
Honesty is taking over my life and I've realized sometimes honesty is not soo good.
My mother told me that I shouldn't feel ashamed of my actions and shouldn't feel people are judging me, especially if I don't tell them what I did.
I guess she means I shouldn't share every story I've had this year because there's the possibility someone will judge me because they don't fully understand the life of an exchange student.
So once again, my tongue is out to ruin my life.
I seriously need to keep my thoughts to myself...being outspoken and opinionated is a real curse because it only makes people pissed at you.
So yes...offsubject Emma...again...
Main point to this blog
I LEAVE TONIGHT TO TRAVEL AROUND EUROPE!
Our destinations are Prague, Hannover, Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Bruges, Paris (for three days!), Toulouse, Barcelona (for three days!), Avignon, Monaco, Lavagna, Lucca, Piza, Florence, Jesolo, Venice and then Innisbrook. In a matter of 17 days!
Then I come back to Zagreb for a week then back my bags and come home :(
I'll put up pictures of europe when I get back!
AHH!!!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Short blog. I know, it must be a relief for you.
I'm not okay.
I'm confused, unsure, upset, unaware, afraid, sad, angry, annoyed...the list honestly goes on and on.
There are a number of things that bring about these feelings.
I'm leaving soon. Dealing with reverse culture shock. Family problems. Saying goodbye to Croatia.
It's strange to think of how unsettling it all is right now. If I could I would just stay right here forever so I don't have to worry about going home and having to deal with everything that is causing me to feel this extreme anxiety. I don't want to deal. I don't want to bother. I just want to stay happy here where I am.
But the show must go on...
This is not a good feeling. What-so-ever.
I'm not okay.
I'm confused, unsure, upset, unaware, afraid, sad, angry, annoyed...the list honestly goes on and on.
There are a number of things that bring about these feelings.
I'm leaving soon. Dealing with reverse culture shock. Family problems. Saying goodbye to Croatia.
It's strange to think of how unsettling it all is right now. If I could I would just stay right here forever so I don't have to worry about going home and having to deal with everything that is causing me to feel this extreme anxiety. I don't want to deal. I don't want to bother. I just want to stay happy here where I am.
But the show must go on...
This is not a good feeling. What-so-ever.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sooo I'm bored. And it's 12:46 at night and I'm tired, but I have this feeling that I don't want to sleep. I don't know if I'm the only one who's ever had this feeling, but here it is, and I kind of like it.
I've also been playing around on StumbleUpon. For those dinosaurs out there, it's this website where you select all you're interest, click stumble, and are taken to a random webpage that lies in one of the categories of interests.
Which led me to a quote page.
And since I'm feeling a little philosophical, I'll share with ya'll some of my favorite quotes.
(If you skip this blog, I totally understand. Not much of this has to do with Croatia at all. This is just an Emma blog)
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
God, please save me from your followers.
If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.
There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
Okay, so yeah. Those are pretty much my favorite quotes. I would honestly say I live my life by these, or at least want to.
During this year, I would say I have become a whole lot more honest. Not like I used to lie a lot, or much at all. But holding back information or letting someone be mislead is no different then a flat out untrue statement. And this year (with plenty of help from Dani and her need for honesty) I just say more. Which makes me look dumb sometimes. But I feel like it's more important to make an effort in some situations then to not take part at all. Or to just be a little more upfront. I've always been outgoing, but it's not the same as upfront.
I can be an in your face kind of person, but only with the right people. I feel like there's a part somewhere in those characteristics that have changed, hopefully for the better.
Also, another shout to my home-girl Dani, in my birthday card from her she wrote something about never changing my straight-forward self and to keep on saying what's on my mind. Granted, it's sometimes best to hold one's tongue. But still, I'm glad to hear things like that. I won't brag, but I won't act ignorant about knowing myself. I appreciate the things Dani says to me. Even if it's "I didn't like you in the beginning because I thought you were obnoxious" (lovely, I know)
I was having a conversation with a friend while they were extremely intoxicated. He said to me that stupid people are more interesting. They ask interesting questions and keep people entertained. Smart people never ask interesting questions because they only have the answers, never the curiosity. They only have the answers. Then he went on to compare smart people to horses. You know the one's that wear those things on their heads during races to keep them looking straight ahead. Smart people are horses who run straight, and it's boring. He said me and him were the horses who ran around going off track and doing as we please. Insightful words from a drunk man. He also mentioned we would get married, him wanting to get a tattoo of an octopus, he's old obsession with speaking English with a Russian accent, and how he's dating a cougar. Very interesting indeed.
Since I'm so bored and feel like blogging and in this deep look inside yourself mood, here's a true test of my honesty. (Whatever frenemies or even bluntly enemies I have ever had will be having kittens when or if they see this)
Things that scare Emma Hansen the most.
1. Being actually thought of as stupid, especially when it involves not being taken seriously.
2. Limitations.
3. Being ignorant.
4. Having a serious relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
5. Not being able to cheer someone up or make someone laugh.
6. Watching suffering and not do anything.
7. Flying.
8. Growing up.
9. Being the bad guy.
10. Losing.
11. Knowing the truth.
There's more, trust me, I'm definitely not a simple person, contrary to popular belief.
But that's as deep as Emma is willing to go at 2:24 A.M.
(I've been distracted while writing this, it didn't actually take me 2 hours to write)
Also!
I have more pictures to add!
Enjoy
I've also been playing around on StumbleUpon. For those dinosaurs out there, it's this website where you select all you're interest, click stumble, and are taken to a random webpage that lies in one of the categories of interests.
Which led me to a quote page.
And since I'm feeling a little philosophical, I'll share with ya'll some of my favorite quotes.
(If you skip this blog, I totally understand. Not much of this has to do with Croatia at all. This is just an Emma blog)
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
God, please save me from your followers.
If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.
There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
Okay, so yeah. Those are pretty much my favorite quotes. I would honestly say I live my life by these, or at least want to.
During this year, I would say I have become a whole lot more honest. Not like I used to lie a lot, or much at all. But holding back information or letting someone be mislead is no different then a flat out untrue statement. And this year (with plenty of help from Dani and her need for honesty) I just say more. Which makes me look dumb sometimes. But I feel like it's more important to make an effort in some situations then to not take part at all. Or to just be a little more upfront. I've always been outgoing, but it's not the same as upfront.
I can be an in your face kind of person, but only with the right people. I feel like there's a part somewhere in those characteristics that have changed, hopefully for the better.
Also, another shout to my home-girl Dani, in my birthday card from her she wrote something about never changing my straight-forward self and to keep on saying what's on my mind. Granted, it's sometimes best to hold one's tongue. But still, I'm glad to hear things like that. I won't brag, but I won't act ignorant about knowing myself. I appreciate the things Dani says to me. Even if it's "I didn't like you in the beginning because I thought you were obnoxious" (lovely, I know)
I was having a conversation with a friend while they were extremely intoxicated. He said to me that stupid people are more interesting. They ask interesting questions and keep people entertained. Smart people never ask interesting questions because they only have the answers, never the curiosity. They only have the answers. Then he went on to compare smart people to horses. You know the one's that wear those things on their heads during races to keep them looking straight ahead. Smart people are horses who run straight, and it's boring. He said me and him were the horses who ran around going off track and doing as we please. Insightful words from a drunk man. He also mentioned we would get married, him wanting to get a tattoo of an octopus, he's old obsession with speaking English with a Russian accent, and how he's dating a cougar. Very interesting indeed.
Since I'm so bored and feel like blogging and in this deep look inside yourself mood, here's a true test of my honesty. (Whatever frenemies or even bluntly enemies I have ever had will be having kittens when or if they see this)
Things that scare Emma Hansen the most.
1. Being actually thought of as stupid, especially when it involves not being taken seriously.
2. Limitations.
3. Being ignorant.
4. Having a serious relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
5. Not being able to cheer someone up or make someone laugh.
6. Watching suffering and not do anything.
7. Flying.
8. Growing up.
9. Being the bad guy.
10. Losing.
11. Knowing the truth.
There's more, trust me, I'm definitely not a simple person, contrary to popular belief.
But that's as deep as Emma is willing to go at 2:24 A.M.
(I've been distracted while writing this, it didn't actually take me 2 hours to write)
Also!
I have more pictures to add!
Enjoy
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Just got back from Dubrovnik. And I definitely have a few things to say, of course.
Once again, I will go in order.
The past few weeks I've been sleeping at Lauras house because my host parents were in the U.S. visiting their daughter in Florida (lucky butt) and they were having the shower redone so I needed to stay somewhere where I could properly stay clean. So I've been with her nonstop and we have not had any groundbreaking fights....so I think we are pretty.
Anyways, I was invited to go to Zadar with Dani and my old host family. And I went. And I loved it!
Being with them that weekend made me realize how much I for sure miss them. I mean I lived with them for like 4-5 months. They were there when I was the awkward weird new exchange student who was clueless and lost. They were there through that and they were apart of my everyday routines. It's weird to think about how much of a difference people can make on you.
There's also some drama going on with my last family that is making everything a little more stressful and chaotic, so when I first got in the car with them, I could feel the tension pretty darn well. And so I did my happy loud oblivious Emma-act I seem to pull off pretty well. The tension definitely lightened up a little. It was nice to laugh and talk to them.
Also this was around the time my sister, Sara, was being induced for labor. Basically, she gets diabetic during pregnancy which maybe had something to do with if the baby didn't come on it's right then, it'd be too big later to give birth too.
So I'm off in Zadar on Saturday eating ice cream and hanging out in the sun and then I'm like, whoa, my sister had her baby. Well I assumed she did, so I found an internet cafe and messaged my parents but they told me she was still in the hospital not giving birth yet and her facebook status proved that she had yet to go into labor seeing as how she was complaining about being stuck with IV's. By the way, whatever nurses can survive being there while Sara is going through labor...more power to ya. That has got to be some skill. I'm surprised none have sent her their payments for therapy. Sara is scary when she's mad. That's all I'll say.
But anyways I found out she hadn't started pushing yet so I was like ohh ok I'll continue on my day and whatever. But I get back from Zadar and find out Sunday that she had the baby in the A.M. I believe. It's one thing to hear about it and another to see it.
I mean it's a pretty big deal, right? But I couldn't really be all like whoa yaa whoa and jump around and all because it's just difficult to imagine that there is this life going on without me in my family. I mean it's hard to juggle what is going on in my time and then deal with what is going on with everyone elses time. But as soon as I saw facebook pictures of my 2nd niece Sofia, I started crying. It's soo amazing how that happens. I'm not a crier. I hate it because it's messy and inconvienent and attracts extremely unwanted attention. I usually just say suck it up. But there are times where I break down. I'm a girl, I don't really have much of a choice with these stupid hormones running through my body. But I cried when I first held Ava. And I cried when I saw Sofia and realized it'll be a few months before we can properly meet.
But the pictures are enough, so Sara, if you are reading this you better be uploading a new picture right at this moment. I WANT PICTURES!
Also, I've gotten back into the swing of my bands. I haven't really had time or the oppertunities to really download or youtube new and upcoming bands like I used to. I haven't really been to any concerts either which is driving me insane. But now I'm getting back into it and I miss it. Just sitting here listening to The Drums makes me want to be home and laying in bed in my basement doing nothing but listening to music and making my room a little more messy than it already is of course.
Anyways, as soon as I got back from Zadar, I went on over to the apartment and took my clothes for Dubrovnik. And goodness those construction workers made a real mess of the apartment!
There was dust covering every single thing I could see. My door had been closed but there was dust in my room. How in the world did that happen!?!
And it smelled like wood and sweaty men and uncleaned dishes so I opened the windows and hopefully that helped my host parents out a bit. The kitchen had been raided. I wanted a snack while I was there but there was nothing to eat at all and all the dishes were dirty in the sink, on the floor, on the table, everywhere. I was afraid to use the toilet because the idea of a group of men using the same toilet without being very clean kind of disgusted me a bit. But the new bathroom looks cool. It's very different though, but I'll deal for the next month I have to live with my family :(
I packed everything up and the next day we were on a flight to Dubrovnik. The flight took only about 20-25 minutes and is usually like a 8 hour drive maybe. So it was nice that it was so fast. The first day was warm with half sun and half clouds. We walked the town, ate lunch, ran to get our swim suits, and swam in the worlds coldest water ever. Dear lord, side note, but I may have been ready for the beach, but my body sure wasnt ready for the swimsuit that typically comes with the beach. Goodness gracious.
Anyways, the first day in Dubrovnik was sunny and warm. We swam, and isuse boze! That water was freezing! But it was so clear. We swam until we couldn't feel anything anymore than got out and went back to the 1 star hostel (gee thanks for splurging rotary) and changed into something to walk around in. We got some dinner and went back to our beach, which happened to be very private and uninhabited and hung out until our hostel curfew of 12 :(! Next day was not so sunny. It rained. But we got up early anyways and walked the old city walls. Which was like super dooper long but it was super dooper pretty. We finished the walk then got some lunch, did some souvenir shopping, hung out at the hostel for a bit, then went out later at night to explore the old city. Which it was beautiful. It's surronded by these century old walls with old stone buildings and smooth stoned roads. It was pretty with the rain covering the roads and then the lights reflecting off of it. It was so nice. But I realized that flip flops+ smooth stone= slippery situation. So while everyone was running around taking pictures, I was doing some funny walk, balancing for the life of me. It was exhausting for me but then I made it through and I was okay. Wednesday was a little sunnier. It didn't rain, but there were a few clouds. We got up and all ready and some went to an art gallery and the rest of us walked to the old city again. It was something you could just walk around everyday and still be amazed by how pretty it all was. We did some more shopping too, had lunch (on rotary : D!) Then some of us put on swim suits and headed to our little beach. There was a huge tide that day and there was one place by our beach where the waves would hit the rocks and come splashing up to the shore. It was cool looking. So a few of us stood right there and got hit by freeezing nippy noodles water. Then we changed later in the evening, found some food and went to another beach to just hangout and watch the tide. The day we left, Thursday, it was beautiful and warm! I couldn't believe it, it sucked. Especially because our flight was actually suppose to leave at like 9 in the evening but then Rotary decided we would take an earlier flight at 1 because 9 is obviously too late and past our bedtimes (sarcasm). But overall the entire trip was nice. Dubrovnik was pretty. Not too expensive either, I mean compared with other touristic cities. But I think Dubrovnik is just as pretty as Zadar. People sort of overlook Zadar, though. But it's probably cheaper to go there and just as pretty. Maybe there's more to Dubrovnik, I'm not sure, but there's not that big of a difference.
But I came back, passed out at Laura's for one more night, then came back home the next day to my host parents freshly back from the U.S.
Our maid cleaned up the entire mess the construction workers made, apparently it took her two working days to do it. And my host mom was still cleaning a little more of it on her own. I asked my host dad if that was ok for them to do, and he said it was pretty typical. Whoa. I'd be pissed if that happened to my house. But I came home and my host mom brought me back some lemon head candy (one of my favs) and a t-shirt from Bubba Gumps (apparently she loved that restaurant).
She told me that before she went to the U.S. she was a little skeptical. Apparently she didn't think it was really that great and that the people were a little weird and the crime was bad or something. She said she would only go so she could see Tina (her daughter). But after she went and came back, she said she loved it. She said she didn't want to leave and now she was depressed.
It was nice to hear that people are still willing to change their minds every now and then. So I appreicated it.
On the bus from Zadar to Zagreb with Dani, we talked about our shitty college situations. Apparently she didn't get any of her scholarships either and she wants to go to Boulder and it's expensive so she doesn't know what she is going to do either. And we talked about changing over the year. Let me tell you a little about Dani. When I first met her, I thought she was a little intimidating. She was all serious and sophisticated and mature. I was this loud mouthed, hyper, unaware girl. It was a weird mesh. But she has cooled off and loosened up this year. And she said this one thing to me while we talked about our future plans and college and what to do next.
She said that she has learned this year that when it comes to your future "There's not one right answers"
Bingo
I've been pissed about my effed up college situation. I still am. But it's ok. Because as long as I'm happy. As long as I have people that love me. And as long as I'm okay with my life, everything will be fine. I don't have one answer, I've known that. But sometimes I forget. It's nice to be reminded.
Also, side note, another interesting thing I heard. I was telling some exchange girls who stay in another town called Varazdin about my newly born niece. And that led to me telling them about my other niece and my sisters age. You know, I guess it's not so typical and people generally judge, whatevers. But when I said how old my sister was when she had her kids, people usually ask about the dad or the job. But one girl, Emily, asked "Is she happy?"
I sure hope so, was my answer. But it was refreshing, and interesting. She actually cared about my sisters feelings instead of the typical judgmental view where people are more concerned with the financial situation or something, which I can sometimes fall into( I won't be hypocritical or lie)
Anyways there's nothing really new.
Laura's got herself a croatian boyfriend. I'm queen of the single life. And everyone is happy and good.
Croatia is going well. I've learned, I've experianced, I've seen.
I'd say it's a successful exchange at this point
Later, the brand new shower is chanting my name. And there is green smoke floating from my dirty clothes I'm currently in.
Once again, I will go in order.
The past few weeks I've been sleeping at Lauras house because my host parents were in the U.S. visiting their daughter in Florida (lucky butt) and they were having the shower redone so I needed to stay somewhere where I could properly stay clean. So I've been with her nonstop and we have not had any groundbreaking fights....so I think we are pretty.
Anyways, I was invited to go to Zadar with Dani and my old host family. And I went. And I loved it!
Being with them that weekend made me realize how much I for sure miss them. I mean I lived with them for like 4-5 months. They were there when I was the awkward weird new exchange student who was clueless and lost. They were there through that and they were apart of my everyday routines. It's weird to think about how much of a difference people can make on you.
There's also some drama going on with my last family that is making everything a little more stressful and chaotic, so when I first got in the car with them, I could feel the tension pretty darn well. And so I did my happy loud oblivious Emma-act I seem to pull off pretty well. The tension definitely lightened up a little. It was nice to laugh and talk to them.
Also this was around the time my sister, Sara, was being induced for labor. Basically, she gets diabetic during pregnancy which maybe had something to do with if the baby didn't come on it's right then, it'd be too big later to give birth too.
So I'm off in Zadar on Saturday eating ice cream and hanging out in the sun and then I'm like, whoa, my sister had her baby. Well I assumed she did, so I found an internet cafe and messaged my parents but they told me she was still in the hospital not giving birth yet and her facebook status proved that she had yet to go into labor seeing as how she was complaining about being stuck with IV's. By the way, whatever nurses can survive being there while Sara is going through labor...more power to ya. That has got to be some skill. I'm surprised none have sent her their payments for therapy. Sara is scary when she's mad. That's all I'll say.
But anyways I found out she hadn't started pushing yet so I was like ohh ok I'll continue on my day and whatever. But I get back from Zadar and find out Sunday that she had the baby in the A.M. I believe. It's one thing to hear about it and another to see it.
I mean it's a pretty big deal, right? But I couldn't really be all like whoa yaa whoa and jump around and all because it's just difficult to imagine that there is this life going on without me in my family. I mean it's hard to juggle what is going on in my time and then deal with what is going on with everyone elses time. But as soon as I saw facebook pictures of my 2nd niece Sofia, I started crying. It's soo amazing how that happens. I'm not a crier. I hate it because it's messy and inconvienent and attracts extremely unwanted attention. I usually just say suck it up. But there are times where I break down. I'm a girl, I don't really have much of a choice with these stupid hormones running through my body. But I cried when I first held Ava. And I cried when I saw Sofia and realized it'll be a few months before we can properly meet.
But the pictures are enough, so Sara, if you are reading this you better be uploading a new picture right at this moment. I WANT PICTURES!
Also, I've gotten back into the swing of my bands. I haven't really had time or the oppertunities to really download or youtube new and upcoming bands like I used to. I haven't really been to any concerts either which is driving me insane. But now I'm getting back into it and I miss it. Just sitting here listening to The Drums makes me want to be home and laying in bed in my basement doing nothing but listening to music and making my room a little more messy than it already is of course.
Anyways, as soon as I got back from Zadar, I went on over to the apartment and took my clothes for Dubrovnik. And goodness those construction workers made a real mess of the apartment!
There was dust covering every single thing I could see. My door had been closed but there was dust in my room. How in the world did that happen!?!
And it smelled like wood and sweaty men and uncleaned dishes so I opened the windows and hopefully that helped my host parents out a bit. The kitchen had been raided. I wanted a snack while I was there but there was nothing to eat at all and all the dishes were dirty in the sink, on the floor, on the table, everywhere. I was afraid to use the toilet because the idea of a group of men using the same toilet without being very clean kind of disgusted me a bit. But the new bathroom looks cool. It's very different though, but I'll deal for the next month I have to live with my family :(
I packed everything up and the next day we were on a flight to Dubrovnik. The flight took only about 20-25 minutes and is usually like a 8 hour drive maybe. So it was nice that it was so fast. The first day was warm with half sun and half clouds. We walked the town, ate lunch, ran to get our swim suits, and swam in the worlds coldest water ever. Dear lord, side note, but I may have been ready for the beach, but my body sure wasnt ready for the swimsuit that typically comes with the beach. Goodness gracious.
Anyways, the first day in Dubrovnik was sunny and warm. We swam, and isuse boze! That water was freezing! But it was so clear. We swam until we couldn't feel anything anymore than got out and went back to the 1 star hostel (gee thanks for splurging rotary) and changed into something to walk around in. We got some dinner and went back to our beach, which happened to be very private and uninhabited and hung out until our hostel curfew of 12 :(! Next day was not so sunny. It rained. But we got up early anyways and walked the old city walls. Which was like super dooper long but it was super dooper pretty. We finished the walk then got some lunch, did some souvenir shopping, hung out at the hostel for a bit, then went out later at night to explore the old city. Which it was beautiful. It's surronded by these century old walls with old stone buildings and smooth stoned roads. It was pretty with the rain covering the roads and then the lights reflecting off of it. It was so nice. But I realized that flip flops+ smooth stone= slippery situation. So while everyone was running around taking pictures, I was doing some funny walk, balancing for the life of me. It was exhausting for me but then I made it through and I was okay. Wednesday was a little sunnier. It didn't rain, but there were a few clouds. We got up and all ready and some went to an art gallery and the rest of us walked to the old city again. It was something you could just walk around everyday and still be amazed by how pretty it all was. We did some more shopping too, had lunch (on rotary : D!) Then some of us put on swim suits and headed to our little beach. There was a huge tide that day and there was one place by our beach where the waves would hit the rocks and come splashing up to the shore. It was cool looking. So a few of us stood right there and got hit by freeezing nippy noodles water. Then we changed later in the evening, found some food and went to another beach to just hangout and watch the tide. The day we left, Thursday, it was beautiful and warm! I couldn't believe it, it sucked. Especially because our flight was actually suppose to leave at like 9 in the evening but then Rotary decided we would take an earlier flight at 1 because 9 is obviously too late and past our bedtimes (sarcasm). But overall the entire trip was nice. Dubrovnik was pretty. Not too expensive either, I mean compared with other touristic cities. But I think Dubrovnik is just as pretty as Zadar. People sort of overlook Zadar, though. But it's probably cheaper to go there and just as pretty. Maybe there's more to Dubrovnik, I'm not sure, but there's not that big of a difference.
But I came back, passed out at Laura's for one more night, then came back home the next day to my host parents freshly back from the U.S.
Our maid cleaned up the entire mess the construction workers made, apparently it took her two working days to do it. And my host mom was still cleaning a little more of it on her own. I asked my host dad if that was ok for them to do, and he said it was pretty typical. Whoa. I'd be pissed if that happened to my house. But I came home and my host mom brought me back some lemon head candy (one of my favs) and a t-shirt from Bubba Gumps (apparently she loved that restaurant).
She told me that before she went to the U.S. she was a little skeptical. Apparently she didn't think it was really that great and that the people were a little weird and the crime was bad or something. She said she would only go so she could see Tina (her daughter). But after she went and came back, she said she loved it. She said she didn't want to leave and now she was depressed.
It was nice to hear that people are still willing to change their minds every now and then. So I appreicated it.
On the bus from Zadar to Zagreb with Dani, we talked about our shitty college situations. Apparently she didn't get any of her scholarships either and she wants to go to Boulder and it's expensive so she doesn't know what she is going to do either. And we talked about changing over the year. Let me tell you a little about Dani. When I first met her, I thought she was a little intimidating. She was all serious and sophisticated and mature. I was this loud mouthed, hyper, unaware girl. It was a weird mesh. But she has cooled off and loosened up this year. And she said this one thing to me while we talked about our future plans and college and what to do next.
She said that she has learned this year that when it comes to your future "There's not one right answers"
Bingo
I've been pissed about my effed up college situation. I still am. But it's ok. Because as long as I'm happy. As long as I have people that love me. And as long as I'm okay with my life, everything will be fine. I don't have one answer, I've known that. But sometimes I forget. It's nice to be reminded.
Also, side note, another interesting thing I heard. I was telling some exchange girls who stay in another town called Varazdin about my newly born niece. And that led to me telling them about my other niece and my sisters age. You know, I guess it's not so typical and people generally judge, whatevers. But when I said how old my sister was when she had her kids, people usually ask about the dad or the job. But one girl, Emily, asked "Is she happy?"
I sure hope so, was my answer. But it was refreshing, and interesting. She actually cared about my sisters feelings instead of the typical judgmental view where people are more concerned with the financial situation or something, which I can sometimes fall into( I won't be hypocritical or lie)
Anyways there's nothing really new.
Laura's got herself a croatian boyfriend. I'm queen of the single life. And everyone is happy and good.
Croatia is going well. I've learned, I've experianced, I've seen.
I'd say it's a successful exchange at this point
Later, the brand new shower is chanting my name. And there is green smoke floating from my dirty clothes I'm currently in.
Monday, April 18, 2011
I have a few things to talk about in this blog. I´ll go by time order.
First off, my host family left Wednesday morning to the States. They´re daughter is a lucky butt and gets to be an exchange student in Florida, somewhere near Miami. So they left Wednesday and spent a few days in New York, then head on over to Florida.
So they are going to be gone for two weeks basically, leaving the apartment to me. One problem though, they are having the bathroom with the shower renovated. So that means, no showering for me. So I´m spending these two weeks at Lauras (Mexican) house with her host parents. I go to school with Laura so I see her like everyday and we hangout a lot, so I really hope that having to spend two weeks with her doesn´t totally ruin our friendship. So far, so good.
But before they left, they gave me my present. They gave me a cute little card and some money.
I love them. They are cute and sweet and funny.
I´ve been really fortunate with my host families I´ve gotten. I liked both of them very much.
Off subject, but as I write this blog, Laura is taking a shower. And at some point in the middle of the night the water heater stopped working. So she needs to shower still and the water is freezing. So right now, she is crying out loud and yelling because of the cold water. I find it extremely funny.
On friday, April 15th, Jacob was sent home. He was an exchange student staying in Osijek, which is in the most eastern part of Croatia. He was from the U.S. but apparently he was having trouble getting along with his family, his rotary club, his classmates, his teachers, and just about everyone. So after this long of problems, they finally sent him home. I know it sounds terrible that I don´t feel that bad. But he has on a few occassions told us that he doesn´t like us and he didn´t remember any of our names. Kind of hurtful, ya know? He´s been homeschooled his entire life, so his social skills are obviously not the best. And he was young. I don´t know if he was really ready or equiped enough to survive a year abroad.
But now that´s two exchange students sent home.
Anyways, next up on my list would be MY BIRTHDAY!!! I turned 19 on April 16th! I feel old. I know that people older than me are probably like ¨No way, Emma. You are still young. You´re like a baby still¨
But I feel old. I´m barely a teenager now. I still feel like I´m 14. I like to be able to use the excuse of being a teen so I can act immaturely with my friends. Soon enough I´ll have to act all serious all the time and stuff. Ew. Boring. Whatever though. I won´t complain about getting old. But my ideal life would be forever being 17 or 18.
Anyways, for my birthday I invited all my exchange friends and a few croatians and told the exchangers that they could bring their croatian friends. But it ended up just being us exchangers, which was fine with me. They are my closest friends here, like my family. So I was just happy being with them on my birthday.
Laura is now swearing in Spanish.
Back to my birthday. I woke up in the morning and Laura´s host mom made me a cake. So I ate some and Dorothy and Theresa came over and had some cake too and we all hung out. I got ready at Laura´s. Then I met up with the rest of the kids and we all got ready some more and hungout for a while and played some games until it was later. Then we went to this club called Aquarious. Which was doing some light show thing where everything glowed and they had people in the club that would draw on your face with glow in the dark stuff. It was fun. The music was good. We all got crazy. The club could not handle me, that´s all I´m saying. We stayed out really late and got back and went to sleep around 6 in the morning. It was a very special occassion so I stayed out late. I know, bad Emma. But it was my birthday.
But seriously, I know I mention it a lot, but these exchangers here are my best of friends. I love them all. Earlier in the evening I asked someone a truth or dare question and they chose truth. And I could NOT think of anything to ask because at this point, we all know each other well enough that there´s nothing else we could want to know that we don´t already know about each other. Like honestly, I love them to death. These are the people I spend my exchange with. The people that understand me and know me. Just about every laugh was shared with them. Every funny story involves them. Every happy memory is with them. Without them, this would not be the year it has been. They make everything special for me and I love them.
Next up on my calender is Dubrovnik! We go to Dubrovnik next Monday. Dubrovnik is like one of the tourist capitals of Europe. It´s one of the bigget tourist destinations and used to be one of the cheapest tourist destinations. It´s this huge old resort-like town on the most southern tip of Croatia. I´m so incredibly excited to go!
Then next up is EUROPE TOUR!!! I can´t wait at all.
When Laura and I first started hanging out all we could at first talk about was the Euro-tour because that´s what we were so excited for. But then we started to have fun and make friends and make memories. It felt like we were excited for Euro-tour but we had time. Now we don´t really have time and Euro-tour coming so soon sort of marks the end of our exchange. So I´m excited for it, but I´m dreading it too.
We´ve all talked about it and we´re sure that we will be spending many nights crying on Euro-tour because we will all miss each other and we all know that we have to go home soon.
It will be sad.
But till then, we will party!
Oh, also, the other night I was skyping with my sister. And Laura was in the room and we were talking about something I didn´t want Leah to hear about, so we were talking about it in Croatian.
We weren´t exactly fast or completely correct on everything we said. But we did it. And I hope I impressed Leah.
I can speak more Croatian then most of the people in the United States can, and that´s all I need I guess.
Also I´m still waiting to find Britney´s new CD in Croatia. So far, I have no luck.
Laura is now hiding under the blankets because she´s freezing. Her words after getting out of the shower were,
¨I feel like the shower just rape me¨
yes her grammar is a little funny, but that´s laura for ya.
Now I must get ready for school and all. And eat some of Laura´s food.
Later gator
First off, my host family left Wednesday morning to the States. They´re daughter is a lucky butt and gets to be an exchange student in Florida, somewhere near Miami. So they left Wednesday and spent a few days in New York, then head on over to Florida.
So they are going to be gone for two weeks basically, leaving the apartment to me. One problem though, they are having the bathroom with the shower renovated. So that means, no showering for me. So I´m spending these two weeks at Lauras (Mexican) house with her host parents. I go to school with Laura so I see her like everyday and we hangout a lot, so I really hope that having to spend two weeks with her doesn´t totally ruin our friendship. So far, so good.
But before they left, they gave me my present. They gave me a cute little card and some money.
I love them. They are cute and sweet and funny.
I´ve been really fortunate with my host families I´ve gotten. I liked both of them very much.
Off subject, but as I write this blog, Laura is taking a shower. And at some point in the middle of the night the water heater stopped working. So she needs to shower still and the water is freezing. So right now, she is crying out loud and yelling because of the cold water. I find it extremely funny.
On friday, April 15th, Jacob was sent home. He was an exchange student staying in Osijek, which is in the most eastern part of Croatia. He was from the U.S. but apparently he was having trouble getting along with his family, his rotary club, his classmates, his teachers, and just about everyone. So after this long of problems, they finally sent him home. I know it sounds terrible that I don´t feel that bad. But he has on a few occassions told us that he doesn´t like us and he didn´t remember any of our names. Kind of hurtful, ya know? He´s been homeschooled his entire life, so his social skills are obviously not the best. And he was young. I don´t know if he was really ready or equiped enough to survive a year abroad.
But now that´s two exchange students sent home.
Anyways, next up on my list would be MY BIRTHDAY!!! I turned 19 on April 16th! I feel old. I know that people older than me are probably like ¨No way, Emma. You are still young. You´re like a baby still¨
But I feel old. I´m barely a teenager now. I still feel like I´m 14. I like to be able to use the excuse of being a teen so I can act immaturely with my friends. Soon enough I´ll have to act all serious all the time and stuff. Ew. Boring. Whatever though. I won´t complain about getting old. But my ideal life would be forever being 17 or 18.
Anyways, for my birthday I invited all my exchange friends and a few croatians and told the exchangers that they could bring their croatian friends. But it ended up just being us exchangers, which was fine with me. They are my closest friends here, like my family. So I was just happy being with them on my birthday.
Laura is now swearing in Spanish.
Back to my birthday. I woke up in the morning and Laura´s host mom made me a cake. So I ate some and Dorothy and Theresa came over and had some cake too and we all hung out. I got ready at Laura´s. Then I met up with the rest of the kids and we all got ready some more and hungout for a while and played some games until it was later. Then we went to this club called Aquarious. Which was doing some light show thing where everything glowed and they had people in the club that would draw on your face with glow in the dark stuff. It was fun. The music was good. We all got crazy. The club could not handle me, that´s all I´m saying. We stayed out really late and got back and went to sleep around 6 in the morning. It was a very special occassion so I stayed out late. I know, bad Emma. But it was my birthday.
But seriously, I know I mention it a lot, but these exchangers here are my best of friends. I love them all. Earlier in the evening I asked someone a truth or dare question and they chose truth. And I could NOT think of anything to ask because at this point, we all know each other well enough that there´s nothing else we could want to know that we don´t already know about each other. Like honestly, I love them to death. These are the people I spend my exchange with. The people that understand me and know me. Just about every laugh was shared with them. Every funny story involves them. Every happy memory is with them. Without them, this would not be the year it has been. They make everything special for me and I love them.
Next up on my calender is Dubrovnik! We go to Dubrovnik next Monday. Dubrovnik is like one of the tourist capitals of Europe. It´s one of the bigget tourist destinations and used to be one of the cheapest tourist destinations. It´s this huge old resort-like town on the most southern tip of Croatia. I´m so incredibly excited to go!
Then next up is EUROPE TOUR!!! I can´t wait at all.
When Laura and I first started hanging out all we could at first talk about was the Euro-tour because that´s what we were so excited for. But then we started to have fun and make friends and make memories. It felt like we were excited for Euro-tour but we had time. Now we don´t really have time and Euro-tour coming so soon sort of marks the end of our exchange. So I´m excited for it, but I´m dreading it too.
We´ve all talked about it and we´re sure that we will be spending many nights crying on Euro-tour because we will all miss each other and we all know that we have to go home soon.
It will be sad.
But till then, we will party!
Oh, also, the other night I was skyping with my sister. And Laura was in the room and we were talking about something I didn´t want Leah to hear about, so we were talking about it in Croatian.
We weren´t exactly fast or completely correct on everything we said. But we did it. And I hope I impressed Leah.
I can speak more Croatian then most of the people in the United States can, and that´s all I need I guess.
Also I´m still waiting to find Britney´s new CD in Croatia. So far, I have no luck.
Laura is now hiding under the blankets because she´s freezing. Her words after getting out of the shower were,
¨I feel like the shower just rape me¨
yes her grammar is a little funny, but that´s laura for ya.
Now I must get ready for school and all. And eat some of Laura´s food.
Later gator
Sunday, April 10, 2011
This is has nothing really to do with Croatia or much less me being abroad
just a little off subject i suppose, but I've been watching far too many documentaries about religion.
Religion
It can be bittersweet.
It's good to have faith when it feels like all hope is lost. When someone has nothing, it's good to have something or someone to pray to or talk to or confess to.
When people have these morals from religions to give to the poor and the help the helpless, it's beautiful that they have some motivation to help the world, whether religion is or is not involved.
But when someone of religion has it all. Money, cars, house(s), children, wife/husband, good job...they believe they have achieved all of this because of their faith. Honestly, I don't care how they believe they got to that point. The bitter part takes over when they believe it is their right to make everyone the same religion as them. And people go to all extremes to do so.
Like I've mentioned, I'm not religious. I have no plan to change it and I'm fine the way my life is.
People who are religious, that's great. I'm happy that you're happy with the way your religion helps you, saves you, or whatever else there is.
I show respect, even though I can't say I agree. I understand differences in lifestyles and life choices and I understand that everyone cannot and should not be the same. I do not tell people of faith to abandon it and join me in an army of hate and murder. I don't tell people of religion they are dumb and that they should follow me because I'm smarter and my life is better.
No, I do not.
But I see people of religions doing it everyday. Okay, not the army of hate and murder, but they do accuse people such as myself of being that. I'm no devil or demon or angel. All that I know is that I'm Emma. A blonde, blue eyed, tall girl from a little town in Wisconsin. That's all there is.
When choosing a religion became something I need to do, I was torn. My mother had raised me to believe there was a God and there were angels and that I could ask for help and if I was good I would receive it. I was baptized in a Catholic church. I went to some weekly youth church meetings. I watched Touched by an Angel and Seventh Heaven. I took the advice I was given and I did what I could with it.
But things weren't as easy as everyone said. I was a good kid. I behaved when I could, even though I've apparently always had a mind of my own. But I was no bully and I took care of my little sister, I ate my peas (sometimes), I went to school...I like to think I was a good kid.
But life at home grew unstable. My older sister wasn't exactly a role model. This is something I don't tell very often, so it's a big deal I'm adding this to my blog. But all I'll say is that she really tested us as a family. She did some things that I hope she regrets and my home life was held together by a very thin string. I did my prayers though. I prayed and I prayed. I gave things up. I made deals with God. I was nicer to my little sister. I did as my parents said. I behaved. But things never got better. I asked for everything to get better. I asked for the yelling to stop. I asked for my older sister back. I wanted my family back. If there is a God and he did hear me, it took him about four-five years to get my messages.
But the thing is, whether there was a God or not, it wasn't his problem to fix. I hated God at this time because he would not help me. But I know, now, that all I needed was for my sister to wake up and realize she loved us. I just wanted her to know we were all she had and I wanted her to show that she loved me back. What I needed was only something she could give. God can't make someone else do something. He can't control the way people think. And if he did, I would not be happy. I would want me sister to get better because she wanted to, not because God made her want to.
I guess it all gets a little sloppy and confusing at moments like this because some people would be like but God is everyone and everything and he is you. Some people are like God is up in the sky watching you from below. Wherever He is or whatever He is, doesn't matter.
If there is a God, then those who believe him would be right. That would be their price, the glory of knowing they are right.
But whether there is one or not should not be an everyday issue going on. That's what I realized. When people ask me," what religion are you?" I simply say none. Then they ask "so atheist?" and I say "no". I don't need a label and I shouldn't have to have one.
What religion someone is should not need to be common knowledge.
I chose to be of no religion what so ever because I don't know what to believe and I don't care.
I just want to spend my life living happy, making others happy, and dieing happy. Where I go from there is a mystery. But I'll worry about it when I get there. Until then, I'll do what I want.
The only problem to choosing to be of no specific religion is that while I choose to keep thoughts of God to myself, the rest of the world is making it world news. I can't seem to live life without having to choose a side. Somewhere sometime someone drew a line. And now everyone feels a need to choose. I don't want to. But when people make the issue of God and Jesus and the Bible and everything like that a topic on everyone's mind, I feel the pressure. I won't choose because I don't want to. I don't need to. And especially because the world is trying to make me.
Also, if you work you're butt off, or someone does something nice for you, or just things go right, why is that God gets the credit. I know that if there is one, He'd be thrilled that you're life is going good. But when you work hard or someone does something good, why don't they get the credit? We all have freewill, right? Then why don't those nice people out there get credited for doing kind acts? Why is it when you study hard, work hard, or just try hard, the credit is given to God. YOU did it! Be proud and take that pride, rejoice in it. You deserve it. I believe that people should be credited for the good they do. God can't make anyone do anything. Only we can. Accept it and work it. It was you. Be happy about it.
If there's a God, he will accept me whether I spent time worshiping him or not because I'm a good person.
I never hurt people intentionally. I spend too much time taking care of other people. I live life to the fullest. And I am a very accepting person and I don't hate others because they are different.
Another thing to add is the whole bringing religion into politics. Our founding fathers were in fact not religious. People always say we had Christian founding fathers, but they were far from that.
If your beliefs say that doing an action that is legal for others to do is wrong, then don't do it. It's better to test those of your religion by giving them the options anyways. If you think it's wrong that leave it be and don't do it.
But why in the world do religious people think it is their right to make these decisions for other people. It's not their place and it's not their life. If someone wants to sin and go to hell, then let them. It leaves more room in heaven. Don't think it's God's way to legalize everything against the bible. Might as well throw away the constitution and use the bible instead.
I'm sorry to sound so pissed off, but really. Everyone has their own choice in life to do what they want with it. Let them live it.
Okay I realize in the blog I sound like I'm generalizing all religious people into one group of crazy religious people. I know there are people of faith who are good. I have friends and family who are religious and I know they are the purest hearts ever. But when there is good there is bad. And the bad is what drives me insane.
Sorry again for this totally nothing to do with Croatia kind of blog. But watching too many religion based documentaries is obviously not good for you.. And so I had a lot of feelings I needed to let out. Thanks for letting me waste your time.
just a little off subject i suppose, but I've been watching far too many documentaries about religion.
Religion
It can be bittersweet.
It's good to have faith when it feels like all hope is lost. When someone has nothing, it's good to have something or someone to pray to or talk to or confess to.
When people have these morals from religions to give to the poor and the help the helpless, it's beautiful that they have some motivation to help the world, whether religion is or is not involved.
But when someone of religion has it all. Money, cars, house(s), children, wife/husband, good job...they believe they have achieved all of this because of their faith. Honestly, I don't care how they believe they got to that point. The bitter part takes over when they believe it is their right to make everyone the same religion as them. And people go to all extremes to do so.
Like I've mentioned, I'm not religious. I have no plan to change it and I'm fine the way my life is.
People who are religious, that's great. I'm happy that you're happy with the way your religion helps you, saves you, or whatever else there is.
I show respect, even though I can't say I agree. I understand differences in lifestyles and life choices and I understand that everyone cannot and should not be the same. I do not tell people of faith to abandon it and join me in an army of hate and murder. I don't tell people of religion they are dumb and that they should follow me because I'm smarter and my life is better.
No, I do not.
But I see people of religions doing it everyday. Okay, not the army of hate and murder, but they do accuse people such as myself of being that. I'm no devil or demon or angel. All that I know is that I'm Emma. A blonde, blue eyed, tall girl from a little town in Wisconsin. That's all there is.
When choosing a religion became something I need to do, I was torn. My mother had raised me to believe there was a God and there were angels and that I could ask for help and if I was good I would receive it. I was baptized in a Catholic church. I went to some weekly youth church meetings. I watched Touched by an Angel and Seventh Heaven. I took the advice I was given and I did what I could with it.
But things weren't as easy as everyone said. I was a good kid. I behaved when I could, even though I've apparently always had a mind of my own. But I was no bully and I took care of my little sister, I ate my peas (sometimes), I went to school...I like to think I was a good kid.
But life at home grew unstable. My older sister wasn't exactly a role model. This is something I don't tell very often, so it's a big deal I'm adding this to my blog. But all I'll say is that she really tested us as a family. She did some things that I hope she regrets and my home life was held together by a very thin string. I did my prayers though. I prayed and I prayed. I gave things up. I made deals with God. I was nicer to my little sister. I did as my parents said. I behaved. But things never got better. I asked for everything to get better. I asked for the yelling to stop. I asked for my older sister back. I wanted my family back. If there is a God and he did hear me, it took him about four-five years to get my messages.
But the thing is, whether there was a God or not, it wasn't his problem to fix. I hated God at this time because he would not help me. But I know, now, that all I needed was for my sister to wake up and realize she loved us. I just wanted her to know we were all she had and I wanted her to show that she loved me back. What I needed was only something she could give. God can't make someone else do something. He can't control the way people think. And if he did, I would not be happy. I would want me sister to get better because she wanted to, not because God made her want to.
I guess it all gets a little sloppy and confusing at moments like this because some people would be like but God is everyone and everything and he is you. Some people are like God is up in the sky watching you from below. Wherever He is or whatever He is, doesn't matter.
If there is a God, then those who believe him would be right. That would be their price, the glory of knowing they are right.
But whether there is one or not should not be an everyday issue going on. That's what I realized. When people ask me," what religion are you?" I simply say none. Then they ask "so atheist?" and I say "no". I don't need a label and I shouldn't have to have one.
What religion someone is should not need to be common knowledge.
I chose to be of no religion what so ever because I don't know what to believe and I don't care.
I just want to spend my life living happy, making others happy, and dieing happy. Where I go from there is a mystery. But I'll worry about it when I get there. Until then, I'll do what I want.
The only problem to choosing to be of no specific religion is that while I choose to keep thoughts of God to myself, the rest of the world is making it world news. I can't seem to live life without having to choose a side. Somewhere sometime someone drew a line. And now everyone feels a need to choose. I don't want to. But when people make the issue of God and Jesus and the Bible and everything like that a topic on everyone's mind, I feel the pressure. I won't choose because I don't want to. I don't need to. And especially because the world is trying to make me.
Also, if you work you're butt off, or someone does something nice for you, or just things go right, why is that God gets the credit. I know that if there is one, He'd be thrilled that you're life is going good. But when you work hard or someone does something good, why don't they get the credit? We all have freewill, right? Then why don't those nice people out there get credited for doing kind acts? Why is it when you study hard, work hard, or just try hard, the credit is given to God. YOU did it! Be proud and take that pride, rejoice in it. You deserve it. I believe that people should be credited for the good they do. God can't make anyone do anything. Only we can. Accept it and work it. It was you. Be happy about it.
If there's a God, he will accept me whether I spent time worshiping him or not because I'm a good person.
I never hurt people intentionally. I spend too much time taking care of other people. I live life to the fullest. And I am a very accepting person and I don't hate others because they are different.
Another thing to add is the whole bringing religion into politics. Our founding fathers were in fact not religious. People always say we had Christian founding fathers, but they were far from that.
If your beliefs say that doing an action that is legal for others to do is wrong, then don't do it. It's better to test those of your religion by giving them the options anyways. If you think it's wrong that leave it be and don't do it.
But why in the world do religious people think it is their right to make these decisions for other people. It's not their place and it's not their life. If someone wants to sin and go to hell, then let them. It leaves more room in heaven. Don't think it's God's way to legalize everything against the bible. Might as well throw away the constitution and use the bible instead.
I'm sorry to sound so pissed off, but really. Everyone has their own choice in life to do what they want with it. Let them live it.
Okay I realize in the blog I sound like I'm generalizing all religious people into one group of crazy religious people. I know there are people of faith who are good. I have friends and family who are religious and I know they are the purest hearts ever. But when there is good there is bad. And the bad is what drives me insane.
Sorry again for this totally nothing to do with Croatia kind of blog. But watching too many religion based documentaries is obviously not good for you.. And so I had a lot of feelings I needed to let out. Thanks for letting me waste your time.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Okay, soo first off...that last blog...ohhh..yeah...ok maybe a little rough.
I was obviously very upset and felt like blogging. It's kind of crazy and angry and weird, I know. So...just kind of ignore it, if you can.
Anyways
I LOVE BRITNEY!
As is that's news. But her new album came out this last week. But Croatia likes to be behind on a lot of things, such as getting Femme Fatale. So I'll have to wait until Croatia gets it. But goodness gracious. Do not tell me her songs suck. They are good. Every album is a little different than the last. Some people might not like it, but it shows that she's progressing and moving with the times instead of trying to hangout to the past. If people want to dance to songs about dancing till the world ends, she'll have it for you. She's fabulous!
This last weekend, I was in Osijek, Vinkovci, and Vukovar. These are some towns in like the Eastern area of Croatia. I liked Osijek because it's this smaller, but kind of big town. It's smaller than Zagreb, like Madison maybe...or a little smaller. But I liked it because I feel like things would feel so much different going to school as an exchange student in a little city like that compared to a freaking capital with one million people in it. My croatian would probably have progressed a whole lot more and my weekend plans would be so much different and I would be friends with more Croatians, especially because it would be doubtful that another exchange student would be in Osijek with me. I'd be even more independent and I don't know...the differences in lifestyles would be soo different for me. And Vinkovci was this really tiny town. I guess there wasn't anything to special about it, but it was this cute little town. Like Waunakee. Hah! It was fun though because we went out clubbing with some cool croatians from there. They were all so nice and friendly and it was fun to go out clubbing somewhere new and make new friends. I think it was really surprising for people there to meet an American. Which is so interesting because I mean I expected from the beginning people would be excited to meet a foriegner, but in Zagreb, they have plenty of tourist that it's a little interesting to them but not mind blowing. I was making friends with some random people in Vinkovci because they heard me speaking English, and they did NOT believe that I was American. They thought I was pretending or something. They were drunk as well, but still! I had to show my drivers license to prove it, but they would not believe it because what the hell would any tourist be doing in a small tiny little town. It was fun. Then we walked around Vukovar and got a nice little tour and some learned about the history and stuff. Vukovar, though, is a very sad place. It's right by the border to Serbia. And it was a huge battlefield during the war. This town is basically known for the destruction and bloodbath it faced during the war. There are so many buildings that are half gone, burned up, falling apart, and covered in bullet holes. There are warning signs around to not walk where people don't normally walk in case of mines since there are still mines around. I mean Serbia destroyed this town. So we got a history of the murders and battles and everything. It was depressing. But I love history and I like to learn this stuff. It's just sad to think about. Then we took a train home and here I am.
I didn't spend much time sleeping, which is a pointless hobby to take up. I like to stay up late. So this weekend I got about 7-8 hours of sleep.
I came home and instead of passing out like any normal human being, I went on skype and talked with my family. It's always something I look forward to of course. I talked with moj tata (my dad) and moja mama (my mom) and moja mlada sestra (little sister). I started talking about packing stuff up, I don't know why. And there is no way in hell that I will be able to pack it all up and take it all back. So I'll have to give up some of my old stuff and send some of it and hopefully pack it all up with no problems. But I'm a pack rack. I suck at throwing stuff away. So we shall see how that one goes.
My mom told me about Ava (my niece). I love seeing Ava on skype. I miss her to death and she's so adorable I can't help myself. But seeing her on skype only makes me miss her so much more that it hurts. And so it's a bittersweet kind of thing.
My mom then started talking to me about how she can't wait for me to come home. And if you know me well enough, you know I'm not very emotional. I don't cry much and if I do, then it sure as hell means something. But I don't know what came over me, my mom started talking about it and saying how she can't wait to hug me and all and it made me cry. Goodness gracious I miss home. I'm not homesick. I mean I guess that looks like it doesn't make sense. But to me, there's a difference between missing home and being homesick. Of course I miss it, it's my home and it's where I've been. But homesickness to me is something more like it's killing you how much you miss home and you don't really feel up for anything other than going home. I mean I miss my family and my friends. But I'm past being homesick.
I will be excited to go home. But I will be soo sad to leave this all. I created a life here. I've created this girl who can survive in a foreign country. I've been drinking coffee as a recreational sport everyday since being here. I've had big ass lunches and barely there dinners. I've figured out how to get somewhere in Zagreb and which tram or bus to take (for the most part at least). I know how to order things in Croatian and how to deal with rude people on the street (ignore them). There is a life here. Not a touristic adventure. A life. My life. And I'll be leaving it in a few months.
But let's not focus on that.
Imma go to them clubs and imma dance and imma take advantage of all the goods i got me here.
I also realized I'm the worst out of all of us kids in Croatia at Croatian. I suck. Suckity suck suck. A few months ago I might have been upset. But like I said, I only have a few months, and no matter how hard I try to push myself, it's always in my mind that I'll be leaving soon, and I'll have no more use of this language. So whatevers.
My grandpa sent me this lovely email and it just made me smile. He sent his usual love and encouragement and sweetness and all. And then at the end he said something that hit me.
"You will always cherish the good and the not so good of Youth Exchange"
I mean duh. There have been some pretty good parts to this exchange that I cherish and will hold onto for the rest of my life, or as long as my memory works (let's be honest, my memory hasn't exactly been the strongest either). But he also said not so good. The not so goods! I will cherish those. They were and are and will be apart of my exchange. And I cherish every moment I have here because it's something that should be and deserves to be cherished.
I love you Opa. You're crazy, but I love you, nonetheless.
I feel like there's never anything too exciting going on with me. But I felt the need to of course apologize for my last blog and to update everyone on my weekend.
Also my weekend was super awesome because Rotary paid for it all. It's about time! It was nice for them to let us go on this expense free weekend and shower us with gifts and hospitality.
I have pictures to upload, college applications to start, notifications to look at, and a bed to sleep in. Busy night for me.
I was obviously very upset and felt like blogging. It's kind of crazy and angry and weird, I know. So...just kind of ignore it, if you can.
Anyways
I LOVE BRITNEY!
As is that's news. But her new album came out this last week. But Croatia likes to be behind on a lot of things, such as getting Femme Fatale. So I'll have to wait until Croatia gets it. But goodness gracious. Do not tell me her songs suck. They are good. Every album is a little different than the last. Some people might not like it, but it shows that she's progressing and moving with the times instead of trying to hangout to the past. If people want to dance to songs about dancing till the world ends, she'll have it for you. She's fabulous!
This last weekend, I was in Osijek, Vinkovci, and Vukovar. These are some towns in like the Eastern area of Croatia. I liked Osijek because it's this smaller, but kind of big town. It's smaller than Zagreb, like Madison maybe...or a little smaller. But I liked it because I feel like things would feel so much different going to school as an exchange student in a little city like that compared to a freaking capital with one million people in it. My croatian would probably have progressed a whole lot more and my weekend plans would be so much different and I would be friends with more Croatians, especially because it would be doubtful that another exchange student would be in Osijek with me. I'd be even more independent and I don't know...the differences in lifestyles would be soo different for me. And Vinkovci was this really tiny town. I guess there wasn't anything to special about it, but it was this cute little town. Like Waunakee. Hah! It was fun though because we went out clubbing with some cool croatians from there. They were all so nice and friendly and it was fun to go out clubbing somewhere new and make new friends. I think it was really surprising for people there to meet an American. Which is so interesting because I mean I expected from the beginning people would be excited to meet a foriegner, but in Zagreb, they have plenty of tourist that it's a little interesting to them but not mind blowing. I was making friends with some random people in Vinkovci because they heard me speaking English, and they did NOT believe that I was American. They thought I was pretending or something. They were drunk as well, but still! I had to show my drivers license to prove it, but they would not believe it because what the hell would any tourist be doing in a small tiny little town. It was fun. Then we walked around Vukovar and got a nice little tour and some learned about the history and stuff. Vukovar, though, is a very sad place. It's right by the border to Serbia. And it was a huge battlefield during the war. This town is basically known for the destruction and bloodbath it faced during the war. There are so many buildings that are half gone, burned up, falling apart, and covered in bullet holes. There are warning signs around to not walk where people don't normally walk in case of mines since there are still mines around. I mean Serbia destroyed this town. So we got a history of the murders and battles and everything. It was depressing. But I love history and I like to learn this stuff. It's just sad to think about. Then we took a train home and here I am.
I didn't spend much time sleeping, which is a pointless hobby to take up. I like to stay up late. So this weekend I got about 7-8 hours of sleep.
I came home and instead of passing out like any normal human being, I went on skype and talked with my family. It's always something I look forward to of course. I talked with moj tata (my dad) and moja mama (my mom) and moja mlada sestra (little sister). I started talking about packing stuff up, I don't know why. And there is no way in hell that I will be able to pack it all up and take it all back. So I'll have to give up some of my old stuff and send some of it and hopefully pack it all up with no problems. But I'm a pack rack. I suck at throwing stuff away. So we shall see how that one goes.
My mom told me about Ava (my niece). I love seeing Ava on skype. I miss her to death and she's so adorable I can't help myself. But seeing her on skype only makes me miss her so much more that it hurts. And so it's a bittersweet kind of thing.
My mom then started talking to me about how she can't wait for me to come home. And if you know me well enough, you know I'm not very emotional. I don't cry much and if I do, then it sure as hell means something. But I don't know what came over me, my mom started talking about it and saying how she can't wait to hug me and all and it made me cry. Goodness gracious I miss home. I'm not homesick. I mean I guess that looks like it doesn't make sense. But to me, there's a difference between missing home and being homesick. Of course I miss it, it's my home and it's where I've been. But homesickness to me is something more like it's killing you how much you miss home and you don't really feel up for anything other than going home. I mean I miss my family and my friends. But I'm past being homesick.
I will be excited to go home. But I will be soo sad to leave this all. I created a life here. I've created this girl who can survive in a foreign country. I've been drinking coffee as a recreational sport everyday since being here. I've had big ass lunches and barely there dinners. I've figured out how to get somewhere in Zagreb and which tram or bus to take (for the most part at least). I know how to order things in Croatian and how to deal with rude people on the street (ignore them). There is a life here. Not a touristic adventure. A life. My life. And I'll be leaving it in a few months.
But let's not focus on that.
Imma go to them clubs and imma dance and imma take advantage of all the goods i got me here.
I also realized I'm the worst out of all of us kids in Croatia at Croatian. I suck. Suckity suck suck. A few months ago I might have been upset. But like I said, I only have a few months, and no matter how hard I try to push myself, it's always in my mind that I'll be leaving soon, and I'll have no more use of this language. So whatevers.
My grandpa sent me this lovely email and it just made me smile. He sent his usual love and encouragement and sweetness and all. And then at the end he said something that hit me.
"You will always cherish the good and the not so good of Youth Exchange"
I mean duh. There have been some pretty good parts to this exchange that I cherish and will hold onto for the rest of my life, or as long as my memory works (let's be honest, my memory hasn't exactly been the strongest either). But he also said not so good. The not so goods! I will cherish those. They were and are and will be apart of my exchange. And I cherish every moment I have here because it's something that should be and deserves to be cherished.
I love you Opa. You're crazy, but I love you, nonetheless.
I feel like there's never anything too exciting going on with me. But I felt the need to of course apologize for my last blog and to update everyone on my weekend.
Also my weekend was super awesome because Rotary paid for it all. It's about time! It was nice for them to let us go on this expense free weekend and shower us with gifts and hospitality.
I have pictures to upload, college applications to start, notifications to look at, and a bed to sleep in. Busy night for me.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
So I'm going to keep this post short. Short and sweet (sarcasm)
Throughout high school, I took part in many fundraisers. I put some together, I donated time, I donated money, and I worked my butt off for the most part. I spent one month of my summer in the blazing humid heat of Mississippi living in a smelly tent with two other girls getting covered in sweat and dirt doing hard labor day after day listening to the worst, most evil leader ever with the Student Conservation Association. I've stayed up all night walking and talking and wanting to pass out for Relay for Life. I was there to paint posters, hang them up, encourage students, and come up with ideas for Culture Club to only have half the student population give a shit and maybe 3 club members even bother to help me and have all of them take credit. Like seriously, I raised so much money to help other countries and no one gives or gave a damn.
I could fill my life with charitable actions and still not receive one thank you letter, one reward, or even a freaking scholarship.
Don't get me wrong, even if there wasn't a chance of getting a scholarship, I would have still done stuff. I give too much of a shit to not, which happens to be a terrible trait I found out.
It just sucks to have spent so much time building this resume of experiences to only find out that no college gives a damn.
I'm not smart enough, ethnic enough, religious enough, or just exciting enough.
I'm just pissed and this is my rant.
People always say that doing good deeds for others will pay off. Well I'm still waiting. And as far as I can see, it's only made things harder and that saying has only gotten my hopes high enough to make it hurt when nothing follows through.
Fuck charity. Fuck volunteering. No one cares if I do it or not and at this point I'm not sure if I care anymore.
I'm hurt. I'm pissed. And now I just feel stupid.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
By the way, I'm not doing college anymore. I'm giving up before I even have the chance. Who wants to spend more money than they have to only find out they aren't cut out for anything other than sitting at home and blogging about how sucky things can be.
Throughout high school, I took part in many fundraisers. I put some together, I donated time, I donated money, and I worked my butt off for the most part. I spent one month of my summer in the blazing humid heat of Mississippi living in a smelly tent with two other girls getting covered in sweat and dirt doing hard labor day after day listening to the worst, most evil leader ever with the Student Conservation Association. I've stayed up all night walking and talking and wanting to pass out for Relay for Life. I was there to paint posters, hang them up, encourage students, and come up with ideas for Culture Club to only have half the student population give a shit and maybe 3 club members even bother to help me and have all of them take credit. Like seriously, I raised so much money to help other countries and no one gives or gave a damn.
I could fill my life with charitable actions and still not receive one thank you letter, one reward, or even a freaking scholarship.
Don't get me wrong, even if there wasn't a chance of getting a scholarship, I would have still done stuff. I give too much of a shit to not, which happens to be a terrible trait I found out.
It just sucks to have spent so much time building this resume of experiences to only find out that no college gives a damn.
I'm not smart enough, ethnic enough, religious enough, or just exciting enough.
I'm just pissed and this is my rant.
People always say that doing good deeds for others will pay off. Well I'm still waiting. And as far as I can see, it's only made things harder and that saying has only gotten my hopes high enough to make it hurt when nothing follows through.
Fuck charity. Fuck volunteering. No one cares if I do it or not and at this point I'm not sure if I care anymore.
I'm hurt. I'm pissed. And now I just feel stupid.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
By the way, I'm not doing college anymore. I'm giving up before I even have the chance. Who wants to spend more money than they have to only find out they aren't cut out for anything other than sitting at home and blogging about how sucky things can be.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
As a lot of people have probably come to realize, life is short. Unfortunately for some, it's too short.
I'm here in Croatia. Having the time of my life, supposedly. And I feel this incredible weight of saddness and greif that soo unbearable. I may not know the people who die young. I may not be close with them. And I may have never had a chance to share a laugh with them. But just knowing someone is enough to feel their loss. It's enough to wonder.
What am I doing with my life? How do I take advantage of it? How do I truly live each moment to it's fullest?
I'm an exchange student. I'm doing something most people never do. But still, I'm either seriously feeling pain for the loss of a life or I'm feeling like I may not be doing the most I can with mine.
Today is a sad day.
I think about losing Leah, Sara, James, Ava, my mom or my dad. The idea of it is sad. It's lonely. It's heartbreaking. It's unbearable. The actual feeling is something I either can't or won't let myself reach. I can't put myself there because I don't ever want to think it's possible. I can't possibly bring myself to imagine living each or any day without them there, safe and breathing.
These are the people who make Emma, Emma. I wouldn't be this person who has been doing what I do without having them there. They hold my hand, they listen to me, they make me smile, they infuriate me, but no matter which way it goes, I love them all with every single inch of my heart.
I don't have a lot of beliefs. I'm not religious. I don't put in a lot of thought for where life goes or where people end up, but to me, it doesn't matter. Life should be cared for. It should be loved, cherished, appreciated, and lived to it's greatest. In the end, it doesn't matter what will happen. It only matters what has been done.
To lose a friend would be just as terrible as well. To lose anyone...pain is pain. A lose is a lose.
It just makes me think. What am I doing to help? How is any of this significant enough to safe a life? What have I done?
What I do seem pointless if I can't do anything to save someone, if I can't help anyone.
I mean really, what have I done?
Sorry to turn this all around to talk about myself. But let's be honest. Everyone probably thinks this.
The people who have been extremely and devastatingly sadden by the loss of a life who was close to you, you are my inspiration.
The ability to live each day like you are normal, like you're fine, like you haven't lost a piece of yourself, it's incredible. And you are so strong. You are the people who truly live the hard lives. The life that you never feel will be the same, the life that you never feel will be full again.
Honestly, I'm not doing this for attention. I'm not the type to take miserable situations of other people and make them my own. I don't need anyone's sympathy, it's not mine to take. But death is a sad thing. And I think everyone or anyone can feel the way I do, no matter how close you are to someone.
Madi, I didn't know you like others did. And I can't say I was close to you, but I can say I will miss you. I will miss the life you never had. I will miss the life you never finished. I will miss the breaths you will never take. But in whatever religion you live by, in whatever morals you had, in whatever way you believed, wherever you are, I know it's good. I know you're fine. I know it's easier for you. You should know this, the world will not turn the same without you walking it. The people you've touched will never think, talk, feel the same as they did. Like everyone else says and knows, you ARE a beautiful person. Thank you for showing everyone how valuable a life can truly be.
RIP Madi Aiello March 20th 2011
I'm here in Croatia. Having the time of my life, supposedly. And I feel this incredible weight of saddness and greif that soo unbearable. I may not know the people who die young. I may not be close with them. And I may have never had a chance to share a laugh with them. But just knowing someone is enough to feel their loss. It's enough to wonder.
What am I doing with my life? How do I take advantage of it? How do I truly live each moment to it's fullest?
I'm an exchange student. I'm doing something most people never do. But still, I'm either seriously feeling pain for the loss of a life or I'm feeling like I may not be doing the most I can with mine.
Today is a sad day.
I think about losing Leah, Sara, James, Ava, my mom or my dad. The idea of it is sad. It's lonely. It's heartbreaking. It's unbearable. The actual feeling is something I either can't or won't let myself reach. I can't put myself there because I don't ever want to think it's possible. I can't possibly bring myself to imagine living each or any day without them there, safe and breathing.
These are the people who make Emma, Emma. I wouldn't be this person who has been doing what I do without having them there. They hold my hand, they listen to me, they make me smile, they infuriate me, but no matter which way it goes, I love them all with every single inch of my heart.
I don't have a lot of beliefs. I'm not religious. I don't put in a lot of thought for where life goes or where people end up, but to me, it doesn't matter. Life should be cared for. It should be loved, cherished, appreciated, and lived to it's greatest. In the end, it doesn't matter what will happen. It only matters what has been done.
To lose a friend would be just as terrible as well. To lose anyone...pain is pain. A lose is a lose.
It just makes me think. What am I doing to help? How is any of this significant enough to safe a life? What have I done?
What I do seem pointless if I can't do anything to save someone, if I can't help anyone.
I mean really, what have I done?
Sorry to turn this all around to talk about myself. But let's be honest. Everyone probably thinks this.
The people who have been extremely and devastatingly sadden by the loss of a life who was close to you, you are my inspiration.
The ability to live each day like you are normal, like you're fine, like you haven't lost a piece of yourself, it's incredible. And you are so strong. You are the people who truly live the hard lives. The life that you never feel will be the same, the life that you never feel will be full again.
Honestly, I'm not doing this for attention. I'm not the type to take miserable situations of other people and make them my own. I don't need anyone's sympathy, it's not mine to take. But death is a sad thing. And I think everyone or anyone can feel the way I do, no matter how close you are to someone.
Madi, I didn't know you like others did. And I can't say I was close to you, but I can say I will miss you. I will miss the life you never had. I will miss the life you never finished. I will miss the breaths you will never take. But in whatever religion you live by, in whatever morals you had, in whatever way you believed, wherever you are, I know it's good. I know you're fine. I know it's easier for you. You should know this, the world will not turn the same without you walking it. The people you've touched will never think, talk, feel the same as they did. Like everyone else says and knows, you ARE a beautiful person. Thank you for showing everyone how valuable a life can truly be.
RIP Madi Aiello March 20th 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Good lord. I realized I haven't put enough pictures on here. I mean most of my pictures are on Facebook. But some people who read this either don't have one or are clueless when it comes to working one. So here some random pictures of my year here. Some are recent, some are old. But yeah just a little peep show for everyone.
Oh also, I didn't mention. The Monday after getting back from Budapest, I went to Venice. And I went during Carnival. It's like Mardi Gras for those who don't know, except all of Europe celebrates it. It's a very big deal. So lots of people walk around Venice is masks and funky outfits. It was amazing. I LOVED Venice. I wouldn't live there, but I feel like everyone should go there at least once in their life. Also I had some Italian pizza...not as good as I expected, but I heard that pizza in Venice is disappointing. There are better places to go to in Italy for a good slice of Italian pizza. I got to ride a gandala too! Which is normally crazy expensive from like 75 to 100 euros a person for like 30 minutes. It was a week day and rainy so we got him to lower the price to 15 euros. Well worth it! I LOVE EUROPE!
Budapest with Jana and Emilia
Budapest
Me and Emilia with the Budapest Parliament
Me and Jana on a bus in Budapest
uhh...well...yeah...
exploring Budapest
Leaving Budapest
Me and my Czech love
Laura and I in Venice!
I freaking rode a gandala
From way back in Salzburg
Great train ride to Salzburg
Old photo from Zadar with Dani
Me being classy in Salzburg
Valentine's Day
VENICE!
Clubbing in Croatia
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