Soooo Austria was great.
Even thought I've skied before, I guess the art of skiing is pretty easy to forget. When I was in France I played it safe on the bunny slopes and easy slopes. But in Austria, everyone wanted to do harder ones. So i figured I could handle it...but I guess I forgot how o slow down and everything...so the first day was terrible. Like incredibly terrible. So the next day my host dad took me to a baby slope near the top and practiced with me and was super patient and awesome. He taught me how to go slow and turn properly and how to control my speed. He was so nice about it, especially since he's really good. I appreciate him trying so hard to help me. But after a few tries down the baby hill, we tried doing some pretty level slopes where I went fast. Then we did the slopes I had tried to do the previous day and I had it down. Seriously, there is no better feeling then failing at something so many times and then finally getting some help and being able to master it. Its probably one of the happiest feelings I've ever had. So its safe to say that I can ski...for now...until I forget how again.
But it was also fun because I didn't feel left out. Like my last post, I mentioned how easy it is to feel not apart of the group. But my host sister was soo nice and awesome to me. And her boyfriend was super nice too. They both tried to include me. And even though my host dad's friend's english sucked, he still tried and everyone was super nice. There were times where they had their conversations in Croatian and it was too complicated and fast and I was too tired and sore to try to pay attention, but that's okay. I've gotten used to that kind of thing, so it's not big deal.
Overall I loved it.

But then I came back and the next day I left for Budapest to see my friends Emilia Cedron and Jana Prihonska. That was AWESOME!
I got off the train and as soon as I saw Emilia I ran and hugged her. She ripped a button off my jacket but I'll forgive her I suppose.
Then we went to get Jana and I ran a pretty long way to hug her too, so she better feel appreciated since I actually ran.
Emilia showed us around Budapest and we all had fun just hanging out. It was nice. Budapest, I bet, is a really pretty city. Unfortunately it didn't look so pretty because it was dim and cold and just looked boring and dirty.  But I got lots of pictures and I had fun seeing my friends from the U.S. again.

But it was strange. It's a very strange feeling. I got a whiff of what it'll feel like when I return though. I'm not going to lie, I'll be full on honest. I had a overwhelming urge to just sit there and talk about Croatia the entire time. I know! It's the one thing you do NOT want to do. I tried my hardest not to, and I'm not sure how I did. But I know it's going to be a huge challenge and I will definitely be in more control when I get back to the U.S. because more than anything I do not want to be the typical exchange student who comes back thinking i'm better than everyone else and I know more than everyone else and me me me me and all this about my year abroad. I've seen people lose friends this way and I've been the friend who couldn't stand it. It sucks for everyone.
Also it just felt weird because I was seeing these guys in Europe. Hanging out in public is a lot different in Europe than it is in the U.S.
People who know me know that I'm loud, crazy, at times obnoxious, and careless of what the people around me think.
In Europe, I've been a little less careless in public. Some probably think I still am, so don't worry I'm not that boring. But I'm a little less loud I guess. It's probably because drawing attention to yourself while in a foreign country where talking in the native language is a little difficult doesn't exactly make anyone feel comfortable.
So Jana and I used to be loud crazy freaks, but we were a little more subtle in Budapest.
But I hope that when I see her again we'll still be our crazy stupid selves.

On the train back from Budapest, I was thinking...This year is my year to be crazy, you know. It's my time to be careless, carefree, and not bothered by the usual stress. But none of it matters. This year is completely irrelevant to the rest of my life. I mean yes, I'm learning things here that I can use and people I meet that I'll remember forever. But that's not what I mean. I mean that everything I do here, none of it will matter when I get back. It's all just stories. Stories to tell and stories to remember.
I don't say this in a negative way either. Some people would consider this a waste of a year. And maybe if I were reading this from a different perspective, I would see that too. But I just can't bring myself to think of any of this as a waste. I'm happy. I'm enjoying myself. I'm finally getting to be this careless person who doesn't have someone else to constantly take care of. I love my family, but here in Croatia, I'm not trying to keep the peace. I love my friends, but here, I have no fights. I've had a job since I was 14 and I've been in school for as long as I can remember, but here, I don't have to feel stressed by the idea of constantly being on time for something.
I'm free of everything. Well until June.
But I was just thinking.
This year doesn't matter. And I love it!



Also, while being away from Croatia for so long, I realized how much I freaking love it here.
I mean I've always liked it, of course. But I missed it while I was in Budapest. I missed the trams and buses and downtown and coffee and people and language.
Now I know that going home is going to be harder than I had thought.
We shall see though.

Also I go to Venice on Monday and I'll see how carnival is! I HAVE to get a mask!

Another quick thing to add.
I forealsies love my family.


and i'm sick...but it never stopped me before

Sooo...I'm leaving to go to Austria with my host family. They're taking me skiing. In any other situation, I would probably be excited. But it'll be my host dad and his friend, my host sister and her boyfriend, and then there's me. I'll be the third wheel. Which makes it even harder then normal because they will also be speaking in croatian and speaking to fast for me to follow. I mean I love my host family. They're nice. And they're freaking taking me to Austria to ski! But just being an exchange student makes it 10 times easier to feel left out.
Because everyone else always seems to know what's going on except me. Everyone else knows a language that I can't seem to master. They relate to each other easier because they're all from the same place. And I've noticed that I'm not so good at starting conversations. I'm just the English speaking American.
Woe is me.
But I get back on Sunday so I have to make it until then. And as soon as I get back I leave the next day to go to Budapest to see Emilia Cedron and Jana Prihonska. I'm soooo excited!! So that'll get me through this rough vacation to Austria.
Update you all on it later

Hello world
guess what?
I've gained weight
YAY SURPRISE didn't see that one coming
I was told way before coming to Croatia that it's guaranteed that I will gain weight. And i doubted everyone. And I'm sorry.
I've gained like 5 kilos which is possibly like 12 pounds
I wasn't the skinniest girl to start off with, but I definitely need to get my act together.
Everyone here just eats more though. Which is strange because they are all skinny here! Confusing
Everyone eats bread and potatoes and lots of meat. Not to mention the meal portions are huge. In the U.S. I eat maybe a sandwich for lunch and a small snack with it. Here, on most occasions, people have a salad, a bowl of soup, and then like a plate filled with food and usually people have seconds.
My host family I have now also bugs me about the amount I eat. I always thought I ate too much in the U.S. But they are convinced that I'm starving myself or maybe I don't like the food here. I'm fine with the food here. I just don't eat as much as they'd like. My host mom makes me a foot long sandwich everyday to take to school with me. And she comes home on her lunch breaks to bring me lunch. And when I can't eat all of the lunch, they are worried. Oh and lunch is generally around 3 or 4 here, when I would have lunch at like 1 or 2 in the U.S.
Lunch is also a big meal here too.
Oh and they don't snack so much. They just eat their meals and maybe have an apple or cookie or yogurt. But having snack foods filling the kitchen isn't so big.

So i guess this is my blog dedicated to food.
I have a whole drawer in my room filled with chips, chocolate, nutella, and junk basically.
That may be where my obesity has been coming from
Also I haven't been doing any physically activity. Soccer always got my stomach to stay somewhere where it borderline between average and tubby. Now I look preggers.
Sooooo I'm gonna go running
Ew what gross
Yes I'm gonna try to work out because this is bad bad bad

I'm going to Dubronik (super pretty big tourist destination in the southern part of Croatia) in April and hopefully it'll be warm and we'll be swimming on the beach. But I don't want to look like a whale.
Gonna get my act together folks

Sorry to blab about my current body image. it's whats on my mind and I guess I'll express myself through this blog. Enjoyyy

ALSOOO THE PACKERS WON THE SUPERBOWLL!
it sucks that I couldn't actually be in Wisconsin when we took our obviously well deserved victory and kicked those steelers where the sun don't shine. But I was able to find a site so I could watch it live. I stayed up till like 2 in the am to watch but it was worth it.

As for my current progress in the language...talking in Croatian is slow and weird. But I can write it pretty damn well and I can listen pretty well too. So I'll have to work on talking faster I suppose. I try to order things in Croatian but most people just answer me in English. It's cute to strangers when they hear me try to speak in Croatian, but they don't take it too seriously. So they just find it easier to talk in English since so many people are pretty good at it.

But I ain't complaining. It sure comes in handy sometimes. Except for when I want to practice.

I did some college papers the past few weeks. Doing scholarships while abroad is a bitch, excuse my language. But it sure ain't easy. I'm getting the normal stress that seniors usually get with getting scholarships and whether I'll have enough money to go to my college and all. So if anyone knows of any good scholarships, I would greatly appreciate any aid or advice.

Also I booked my return flight. June 19th! 8 days after the euro tour.
But thinking about my flight home got me thinking about home. So ever since I've had to discuss that, I've been missing home more than normal.
I figured at this point homesickness would be easier, but it's not. Everyday I'm reminded of something that I'm missing out on. My sisters having her baby soon. My niece's second birthday is in a few days. My little sisters performing a musical theater piece at solo ensemble and she's having her prom, which I can't help her with her make up.
I miss it a lot. I miss it incredibly and undeniably a lot. And blogging and thinking may not help. But I can't ignore the thoughts about my family. They are my family, for goodness sakes. I miss everyone and their crazy chaotic loud selves. Hansen family holds nothing back for anyone. And I miss them.
I miss my friends too. I miss the ones that would put up with my stupid pointless and stubborn arguements. I miss the ones that would do crazy things with me in public and not care what the people around us think. I miss the ones that respect me and take me seriously but still can be silly with me. I miss the ones where we'd have deep conversations about stupid things. I miss it all.
I miss Madison too. I miss all the careless and crazy people. I miss the freedom I felt when walking the streets. I miss state street and perkins.
I miss home.
I miss I miss I miss I miss I miss

yaya i know thats probably what you're thinking and now I may have bummed you out, bored you to death, or just rambled while you pretended to read all this. Whatever. But this is what's going on in Emma's head.

I love having the other exchangers as my closests friends though. We talk about this stuff and I feel close with them and tell them this stuff and they understand. We all miss home.
I got to talk to Laura about it because she understands me the most since her family isn't coming to see her either. All the other kids are fortunate enough to have family come to Croatia to see everything. Me and her have to wait till June to see our families. We don't get to show our families around the city that we've called home for the past 6 months. And it feels good that i'm not the only one going through this. So I appreciate having her around to talk to.

Ehhhh this blog is such a bummer.
First I'm fat
Now I'm a homesick loser

I'm happy don't get me wrong. I love it here and I've been enjoying myself.
I'm going to Budapest in a few weeks to see Emilia and Jana will there too, so I'm extremely excited to get to see them both.
And hopefully I can arrange some trip to go to Prague and see Jana because I miss her dearly and I don't know when I'll get to see her again :(
ahh there i go again being a debby downer

okay I'll stop ranting and go to bed
hopefully when I set my alarm to get up early to run I don't hit snooze like I did all last week
wish me luckk

peace love fatness