I specically rememeber packing, saying goodbye to my friends, getting in the car, hugging my family goodbye, walking through airport security, boarding the plane, and flying away from America and my first steps on Croatian land. During that entire time, I never was hit by the realization of what I was doing. It just felt like I was sleep walking through life. I was aware of what was happening, but I felt like it was all out of my control. Like I was just going with the flow or everything.
But I did chose this. I wanted this. I did this. Even though all my friends we're staying in the States and doing the normal thing and going to college. It was in my control.
Anyways though, so since it never hit me all at once, I figured I was just already okay with it.
But the thing is that it's not something that hits you all at once and then it's over. I spent everyday of my life in the U.S. doing what Americans do. That was my life for the past 18 years. And when I did my everyday stuff, I wasn't constantly being reminded I was American.
Here, I wake up and have to remind myself where I am, who I am, what I'm doing, and what is going to happen. It's an everyday chore for myself.
And tuning out of it by watching shows I watched in the States, or reading, listening to music, or whatever my homesickness therapy is doesn't help. It just makes it harder for me to get back into my life here.
I still do it because I need something to do when I'm at home, but still. Sometimes I'll watch a movie and think I'll go play with Ava, text Helena, bug Leah, see if anyone wants to go to Perkins. And then I have to be like, oh yeah, can't do that. It doesn't make me sad, not anymore than usual, but it's just a wake up call every time and it gets annoying having to go through the steps of reminding myself.
And whenever I go out, I'm always reminded by the fact that I'm different than everyone else here. I might be able to act like I blend, but I'll never feel like I blend. Well maybe not at the moment I won't be able to.
I love being here. I love experiancing new things. I love learning everyday. I love practicing Croatian.And I love my family here. I can't bring myself to regret anything I've done in the past 18 years that has brought me here.
Yeah, I won't lie, I'm anxious to get home and see everyone and start college. But it'll have to wait. I'm busy this year.
Off the subject
I finally made Veronika watch Mean Girls with me. I must say it has changed her life. Especially since she said "Boo, you whore" to her math teacher. NOT MY FAULT! ahaha!
I also made her watch Crossroads. No one should have to suffer through life without watching that movie. It's amazing and Britney is to thank for it.
Also, they played One Tree Hill here on one of the four channels. I got really excited! Generally when I watch t.v. here, it's in Croatian or German or Turkish or French sometimes. And if it is in English, it's not a good show. But they have ONE TREE HILL!! I'm happy about it.
I'm still in the process of reading Three Cups of Tea. It's a good book so far. I like it. I just don't read it so much. It's been taking me about 2 months and I'm almost to the halfway point. But so far it's really mind changing. It makes me want to go to Pakistan and build or teach or just do something. It's really cool!
So I recommend it to anyone who has a heart to read.
I still have the ened to read Textsfromlastnight
It's encouraging to me and prepares me for the college life.
btw i'm listening to a rap song that is suppose to be a recreation of Video Killed the Radio Store
bad idea. dear rap singers, never again. please. for my sake.
okay so once again this is a long long blog
and i put in pictures because for those who don't stalk me on facebook, you probably haven't seen any pictures of me in croatia. so you're welcome.
Me and my sister Veronika
later losers
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