So like I've said I'm not a good writer. I know my flaws. It's not something I take pride in, but I put them out in the open because I'm not ashamed of myself and my imperfections.
Which on a side note, I think that people should analyze themselves more often. It's not a bad thing to do . It's okay to look at yourself in a different way. I mean, obviously not in a negative way. Like Gaga says, "There's nothing wrong with loving who you are, she said, cause God made you perfectly". Okay yes I'm not religious, so ignore that part. But anyways, I feel like self reflecting is what makes people grow. In a good way too. Without self reflection, people don't grow, emotionally, physically, and whatever other way a person could grow. But it's something I've learned through other peoples ignorance. I analyze myself, sometimes too often, and sometimes not enough. But I don't hide things. I'm open about everything, which sometimes leads to me talking loudly about tampons on a quiet tram filled with people. But still, I have no shame. What I'm trying to get across is that it's okay to open yourself up to yourself. It's not suppose to be scary, and if it is, hopefully it's for the best and you'll see what you need to fix about yourself. It's okay to make mistakes, and it's definitely okay to own up to them to yourself and to others. But hiding it only makes you naive and sometimes, yes, a little childish.
But anyways back to my poor writing skills. To the people who seem to be determined enough to read every blog, thanks. I know it's not always easy. Sometimes I'm depressing and talking about missing stuff. Sometimes I just brag like any common exchange student, which may seem like I shouldn't apologize, but I still am sorry, I mean I can't help it if my life is awesome (that's a joke, fyi for those who don't see my sarcasm). Sometimes, in a blue moon, I'm insightful. But this is who I am. This is my brain. Be thankful you don't live in my head. It's chaotic and can be a disaster. I've had 18 years with it and I'm still trying to get the hang of things up there.
I was looking at some old blogs and some comments and I'm not sure if other people can see them, which I think you can, but I just wanted to share some with people.
After one of my blogs blabbering about how I miss everyone and stuff, I got this comment:
When I got back to the US after a year in Spain, I regretted all the time I spent thinking about home while I was abroad. After returning to the US, I readjusted to the same old in no time, and then it was Spain (for you, Croatia) that I was missing. It's easier said than done, but don't worry too much about home; everyone will be there when you get back. You're not missing out; you're having an amazing year, with experiences that many will never have in their lifetime. Enjoy every day, as time is finite. When you have those days where you can physically feel the ache for home, meet up with a friend or explore some more of your city. Being around others usually got my mind off of things
She's so right. I mean now looking back at those blogs, I'm just thinking piss off Emma. You're in freaking Croatia. Enjoy it. Breath it in. Work it, girl.
Sometimes it's easier said than done, but this isn't one of those blogs so I'll avoid talking about that.
Anyways, like I said, she's totally right. This is a once in a life time experience. Most people don't get this kind of opportunity. And I'm bitching about it (excuse my language, but I am a teenager, however delusional you may be to think I'm mature, I talk like a teenager. And I won't pretend to talk like someone else does in my blogs). So, I'm taking her advice. I'll miss everything, of course. But I'll stop worrying about it. Be busy. Fill my days with memories and activities and pictures and, yes, Croatian. My life back home is waiting for me, I'm not waiting for it. I have my time here, and it's limited. I can spend the rest of my life in the states if I so choose. "Time is finite". Damn straight.
Thank you.
Another comment was from one of my earlier blogs when I first realized the constant haters that bitch about the U.S. Which I still do not stand corrected. It's true. People hate the U.S. and Americans. I mean not everyone, but I do hear a lot of people give us shit over stupid stuff.
It's like Britney's life. People take the little stupid mistakes that Britney makes along with the rest of the world, and publish it with critiques and bashing and hating basically. They take little things she does wrong and make it into a crime or something. People love to hate on Britney because A) she's fabulous and everyone's jealous (duh) B) everyone knows Britney so everyone reads about her which makes good money and good publicity and C) it makes people feel better about themselves.
So turn that all into the rest of the world being the paparazzi to the U.S.'s life and there ya go.
Haters gonna hate.
But anyways I got this from my wonderfully feminine brother, Jamesy
Well, I agree; you do come from a family of opionated people. But we're gutsy; that's why we stand up for what we believe in. But, I understand it's not really safe to do that where you are. BUT. I do believe the people around you are being extremely rude to be criticizing your home. So, would it be possible to just say, next time, "Hey, I would really appreciate it if you didn't criticize my home. I wouldn't do that to you." Maybe? I think it would be worth a shot.
Advice from afar. He's still got it.
My family=loud.
I know I've said this before but I don't think people who don't know us,\ understand how much of an understatement loud is.
We're extreme. We yell, we're crazy and extremely opinionated. We hold nothing back. It's always out there. Within seconds of meeting us, people generally know more about us then most people should that soon.
We take risks because we never know where the line is drawn. We have no feelings of embarrassments. We don't care what other people think. We say what we want. We do what we want. And God knows, we eat what we want (unrelated). But yes, next time people feel like saying crap about the U.S. I won't be quiet. I'll just be like hey, not cool. I won't go crazy defensive, but I won't be quiet and collective either, not my style.
I love you James.
Also, there's another thing I want to bring up. Coming back will be a challenge. For everyone. Not just for me. Everyone will have to fit me back in, whoever I come back as. (well not have to, but it would be appreciated if people made an effort). I'll be awkward and feel funny trying to find who I am again and how I'll fit back in the States. It'll be shaky. It's for sure. I'm different here because in order to be apart of my surroundings, I've had to blend and shift into a Croatian. Well, in a way. I'm still a little to loud for these people, and still a little careless of how I look or appear or how others may think of me. But I've changed to fit my surroundings. It's not bad. It's life. But i'll have to do the same when I get back. I literally can not remember somethings about the way I lived in the U.S. I can't remember how I acted in certain situations or who I was with certain people. I feel weird about it all. But, I may be a little ahead of myself since I have like four too short of months left, but this is a warning to all. Or at least to who ever is gracious, curious, creepy, or caring enough to read this.
Once again, thanks to everyone who takes time to read my blogs. Much appreciated.
Also I want to say real quick. I love the exchangers. They are what make my year here what it is. I feel totally myself around them.
There's no real point to this blog.
Like most things I talk about, there's not much point.
But anyways, Hello, everyone.
I miss everyone. I love everyone. I love my life, here, back home, and wherever else I may be when I'm with people as awesome as my friends and family.
I went to a rotary Masquerade.
I went as a cat.
Best. Costume. Ever.
